


This Is The Beat Of My Heart

by prcttyodd



Category: A Star is Born (2018)
Genre: AU, Alternate Ending, Angst, Continuation, F/M, Fix It, Fluff, I am here to give them justice, I love Ally and Jack, the ending didn’t happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-09-06 18:06:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16837684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prcttyodd/pseuds/prcttyodd
Summary: “He desperately needed a change, he desperately needed a reason. And now, he had one.”[Alternate ending]





	1. 2.

"I don't need to live by your rules, you don't control me."   
-Ariana Grande, "You Don't Know Me" 

XX 

When Ally woke up, her hand immediately reached out towards Jackson, realizing that he wasn't there. 

She shot up, anxiety clenching at her heart. After what Jackson had nearly done yesterday, she didn't know how she felt about not knowing where he was. 

"Jack? Jack?! Jackson!" 

She ran into the kitchen, where she found her husband cooking something in a pan above the stove. 

"Hey." He said, turning to her and smiling. 

She smiled back. Thank god he was okay. She didn't want to admit it out loud, but even if he did make a promise last night, she was still worried about him, and didn't want him to ever go back to the place and mindset that he was in yesterday. She didn't want to be overbearing or seem like she couldn't trust him, she was just scared. "Hey, honey. Didn't expect you to be up so early." She walked over to him, and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him. "It's nice to see you like this." 

"I was going to wake you up with this... but I guess I can't do that anymore." He said to her, smiling and chuckling. 

"Where's Charlie?" 

"I let him out. He was scratching at the door." 

"I was just wondering because it seems so quiet without him, isn't it? I'll go let him in." 

She opened the door to the backyard, the breeze blowing in, and immediately the dog came running up to her, jumping and practically begging for attention. 

"Hi, sweetheart." She cooed, crouching down and petting him while he licked her face. After a few seconds, she got up and shut the door, walking back into the kitchen, Charlie following close behind. 

He ran once he saw Jackson, and began to jump at his legs, and he had no idea if it was about attention, or the fact that Jackson was setting up food. 

"Hey, this isn't for ya." He said, laughing at the dog's attempts to jump high enough to get to the food. 

Ally pulled her chair out, and took a seat, smiling at her husband as he pushed a plate of food towards her. She loved seeing him happy and full of life like he was at this very moment, it was what he deserved. It broke her heart to think that last night he felt like he had to die because he felt that he wasn't enough. 

"I still don't get it." She said, not meaning to say it out loud, but the words slipped out of her. 

Jackson cocked a brow as he sat down across from her at the table. "Get what?" 

"Nothing." She tried to turn the conversation in another direction, but of course it didn't. 

"Tell me." He said, taking a bite of his eggs. "You can't just say somethin' like that and not expect me to ask." 

She sighed. "I just don't get why you would ever think you weren't good enough for me. You mean so much to me, Jack." 

"You can't deny that what I did embarrassed you. Hell, everyone was talking about it for the longest time. Still are, actually." 

"I'm not embarassed of you, I never could be. People look at everything too deeply when you're in spotlight, and we are." 

"You are. I'm washed up." 

"People still love you, trust me. That's why I wanted to bring you out yesterday. Your mistakes don't define you." 

"I know... it's just with having to hear about that all of the time, plus what your manager said, it just all made me realize..." 

"Rez? Rez said something to you?" She interrupted, setting down her fork. What the hell? 

Jackson turned away, not wanting to meet her eyes. He didn't mean to let that slip. "It was nothin'. He was just angry about what I did before, I understand it since he's your manager." 

"Tell me exactly what he said, Jack. It obviously wasn't just 'nothing'." 

"That I was an embarrassment. And by staying married to me, you look like one too. Hell, he wasn't lying." 

Ally felt rage rise within her. "Why the fuck would he tell you that? Why wouldn't you tell me?" 

"He's right. I almost did ruin it all." 

"But you didn't. And who is he, our marriage counselor? He had no reason to come here and tell you all of that. I get he's done good by me when it comes to my career, but I can't let him do this. Everytime I bring you up, he always has an issue. Always. Do you know how much it took for him to even be okay with idea of you coming out to sing with me?" 

"He's just looking out for your career, that's his job." 

"Don't defend him. It's not okay for him to come here and me you feel like shit. I love you. And I want more than anything to spend the rest of my life with you." She reached out across the table, her free hand kicking with his. She leaned over and kissed his knuckle. "I'm going to have to talk to him." 

"Ally, I don't want this to ruin-" 

"It won't ruin a thing. It'll be fine. Plus, I guess I should let him know that I'm pregnant too." 

"If you want. I just don't want to have to get in the way and cause problems within something else in your career and life." 

"Jackson, it won't. I don't want you to think like that. I don't like that he did that to you. I'm doing this because I want to. Nothing else. Okay? I'll talk to him later, let's just enjoy breakfast right now. It's delicious, by the way." She smirked at him. 

He smirked back. "Surprising you didn't work, at least you like it." 

"I love it." 

They ate the rest of their meal, without another mention of the unhappy things. 

XX 

Sure enough, Rez was free to talk to her, he even said that he had a few things to run by her, probably about the next record and such, but she didn't care about that. 

She was angry. She would have to try and fight back the urge to punch her manager in the face as soon as she saw him. She knew that he was obviously concerned about her career, but he didn't have to go as low as to call her husband an embarrassment and imply that he will end her career. 

"Hey." She said when she opened the door for him, wondering if he could detect how pissed she was. She would try and keep it at bay, and have a civil conversation, but she couldn't promise how long that would last. 

"Ally. You sounded anxious to talk to me when you called, did something happen?" 

"A few things." She said, as they both sat on the couch. "Jackson's outside with the dog, in case you hear something, it's just them." 

"Jackson. Where was he last night? Did you ever find out?" 

"He was sick. And he didn't want to sing while he was sick. You know, it would be bad for his voice." She didn't want to tell him what had actually happened, she already knew what he was going to say, and she didn't want to hear. 

"Sick. Mhm. By the way, before we get into whatever it is you want to talk about, I'm going to need to ask you something." 

"What?" She didn't really want to hear whatever he had to say, but she didn't exactly have a choice. 

"I was thinking, maybe you should tour in Europe after all. Look at everyone that has been showing up to the America dates. The fans loved everything about it, and there's no doubt that European fans will love it just as much. We need to take advantage of this moment." 

Her hand immediately flew to her stomach. "I don't know... I mean, here's what I had to tell you." She stopped for a few seconds, him staring at her and waiting for her to continue. "I'm pregnant. I found out yesterday before the show. I don't know how far along I am yet, I just know that I am. I just don't know how a full tour would be." 

His eyes widened. "You don't have to let that slow you down. You can still push through, if you really wanted to." 

"I'm guessing I'm at least a few weeks along, maybe even a month. I've just been so tired lately. I don't know if I'd be able to do all of that traveling. We already said we were canceling, I think that'll be best. I'm sure Jackson would probably think so too. 

"Here you go again, suffering because of him..." He mumbled, shaking his head in disappointment. 

"What? What is that supposed to mean?" She said, glaring at him. 

"Everytime there's an issue, it always somehow goes back to him. You can't tell me it's not true, because it is." 

"Because I'm pregnant? As if it's solely his fault. You'll take anything to say something about my husband, won't you? While we're on the topic, he told me what you said to him." 

"What's that?" 

"That he's an embarrassment. That he makes me look like one since we're married. Basically implying that without him, my life would be so much better." 

"You can't deny that he almost ruined everything for you. That was why I didn't want him to go on tour with you. He makes you look like a fool. You won't admit it, but it's true."

"No he doesn't. My career is fine. I'm doing fine. I don't want you to think that you can come in here and be an asshole to him because you don't like him!" 

"Everything was fine because I was able to clean up his mess. I was able to get everything back on track. And because of everything that happened, I don't want him to have anything to do with your career. No songs with him, no taking him on tour. It's not good for your image. I don't think that he would be good for you as a person too, but I suppose there's nothing I can do about that." 

"My image? You mean your image? And what the fuck are you talking about? Good for me as a person? This is such bullshit." 

"Both of our images, actually." 

"You're going to restrict what I'm going to fucking create? I want to create what I want to create. And if you can't respect that, I don't think that I want to go on tour again or make another record under you. I want to do ME." 

"You have to understand what I'm saying. If you just allowed your career to become a disaster, you wouldn't be able to create another record PERIOD. I'm trying to do what's best for you and what you want to do. If you want people to take you seriously, you have to take into account what I'm telling you." 

"If then taking me seriously means that I can't be me, then I don't care. And if you're going to sit here and tell me how to run my life like you're my counselor or therapist, I don't need your opinion either. You don't have a say in my marriage." 

Rez was growing angry, she could see it. Whenever she spoke, he clenched his fist to his side, with a force so strong that his knuckles turned white. "I was just pointing out how negatively it was affecting you, in the sense of your career and your life. I mean, look at how you're sitting here defending him, like he's your child. He's a grown man, Ally. A grown man who should be able to clean up his own fucking messes, and shouldn't even leave so many of them behind." 

"You have no right to talk about what he-" 

"If you really don't think that I'm doing everything in your best interest, then I don't think that this will work out either. I just wanted to do the best thing for you, for your talent. I've done so much for you. If it weren't for me, you'd be nowhere right now. Just another girl on the sidelines." 

"I'd rather be nowhere than have to deal with this all of the time, and have whatever the hell you're offering me right now." 

"You know what? You can have it your way. You can clean up your own messes. You can do whatever you want. Don't come calling me when something goes wrong. I've done so much for you, and this is how I get repaid. You'll realize just how little you are without me, and how much I actually did. And how damaging your husband can really be to you, and how foolish you look defending and coddling him." He rose up, and Ally followed suit. 

She wanted more than anything for him to leave, she was beyond pissed at him for what he had said. "Sounds great. Goodbye." She spat, following him to the door, and as soon as he left, she slammed it before he could say anything more. 

She was going to go out and tell Jackson that he was gone, and tell him what had happened, but she had to process it herself. 

She sunk down against the wall, not knowing whether to laugh, cry, or scream. Maybe all were appropriate for the situation at hand. Her face was in her hands, breathing heavily. 

She didn't expect her to actually lose her manager with this, but that was what had happened, wasn't it? What did this mean for her? For her career? Her new record? Any future tours? Anything at all? She had no idea, and it scared the shit out of her. 

In a way, it was sort of relieving, what Rez had said to Jackson and also to her now just wasn't something that she wanted to deal with, but this also brought a whole wave of anxiety. Her future as an artist was now uncertain. Stardom for her has always been a scary thing, something with so many uncertainties, and she had felt that she had gotten very lucky. 

She sighed, realizing that there was nothing that she could do. What was done was done. 

She got up, she had to go and get her husband. She needed to vent to him, she had to hear him assure her that everything was going to be alright.


	2. 1. (!)

A/N: (!)= mature/triggering content. The beginning of this chapter mentions suicide, and some possibly triggering thoughts.

XX 

"The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds, but they haven't seen the best of us yet."   
-Panic! At The Disco, "This Is Gospel"

XX

Jackson wished that there was another way. He tried to think about what he was doing, trying to talk some sense into himself, but it wasn't working. 

This was the way it was. The way it had to be. He was trying to find even the smallest reason not to do this, but there was none. 

His life these days was just a zombified and mundane existence. He was sick of it, and he was sure that everybody around him was as well. 

Like Ally. He loved and adored her with his entire being, but he knew that now he was nothing but a burden to her. He couldn't pretend like this wasn't true. Hell, he'd be dead without her. If he had never met her years ago, he for sure would have died before now. He was lucky to even know a person like her, lucky enough to marry her and have her by his side. God knows that she was just what he needed. And he still couldn't bring himself to be good enough for her. To give her what she actually deserved. 

It was just as Rez had said. He was an embarrassment. And Ally looked like one as well by sticking by his sorry side. She deserved better. 

He wished that he didn't have to do this, but there was nothing else that he could try and do. There just wasn't. He thought that he could make things better before, and look how that had turned out. His past was something that would never go away, and not only would it follow him, it would follow Ally as well. And he didn't want that. 

This was his only option. 

He took one last look at everything around the house, taking it all in. Even the grass surrounding it. All of the memories in his mind flashed before him. It was the house where he had essentially built a life, and it was also going to be the house where he ended his life. 

He stumbled inside the garage, his belt in his hand, gripping it so tightly that his knuckles were turning white. 

He looked outside once more, and saw that his car lights were still on. Oh well, it didn't fucking matter anyways. He wasn't going to bother with that. 

It was already dark out, and he knew that Ally would be looking for him or be worried about him soon, if she wasn't already. Wasn't that what she did for the entirety, if not most of, their relationship? It made him even more angry at himself, and feel even more pathetic. He acted more like a child than a husband. It was sad. He hated himself for it. 

He set his hat down and pulled over the stool, thinking yet again about what he was doing. He wasn't going to bother anymore. He just wanted to get it over with. Nothing was going to change, no matter how much he racked his mind for a reason not to do this. He wasn't going to find one. 

Or so he thought. 

A quick glance over towards the garbage can caused him to do a double take, and he quickly questioned what he was seeing. 

Inside, sticking right out of the top actually, as if it wanted to be seen, was a pregnancy test. He reached into the garbage, and pulled it out. Gross, he knew, but he just wanted to make sure he was seeing this right. 

Oh, he was seeing it right. He squinted at the small thing, and saw that it read positive. He felt the world around him froze. 

It took him a few seconds to process this. A positive pregnancy test. Ally was pregnant with his child. 

At first, this discovery and realization made him want to die even more than he already did. He couldn't be a father. He couldn't take care of himself, how was he going to manage a kid? He was a burden and a liability to his wife and her life, that would certainly be the case for this child. The past would never disappear, and he couldn't bear to imagine a child, his OWN child, having to deal with his past and his mistakes. 

But then, imagines of his own mother flashed through his mind. He imagined that sort of thing happening to Ally. The woman that he loved and adored with every fiber of his being. Then came the sudden realization that he couldn't allow that, he just couldn't. He had to stick around, help her, and be there for her. For this child. 

He fell to the ground, a sudden sob erupting from him. He began to cry loudly, the test still in his hands. He couldn't believe this. Suddenly, death was the last thing on his mind. 

He desperately needed a change, he desperately needed a reason. And now, he had one. 

XX 

Ally wondered if anybody in the crowd could see the tears that were forming in her eyes. She wondered if any of them could sense how on edge and how upset she was. She gave the audience a fake smile, to which they all gave her applause. 

How she had made it through singing shallow without Jackson without breaking down on stage was beyond her, but she was glad that she didn't, as that would've been a whole other disaster. 

The crowd began to chant her name and cheer louder by the second, to which she replied with a quiet "Thank You", hoping that nobody could detect the shakiness of her voice. 

Where was Jackson? Why wasn't he here? Her initial reaction to him not showing up was of course anger, but it quickly morphed into fear and anxiety. What was going on? Was he alright? 

She should've known that something like this would happen. When she talked to him earlier that day, he seemed so off. Of course, he did have his off days, but something about today just seemed different for some reason. She had simply pushed that thought aside, convinced that maybe he just wasn't in the best of moods. It happened. But this, him not showing up after he said that he would, was quite concerning. And her fear was growing by the second. 

She turned and rushed backstage. 

"Rez." She said, pushing past people to speak to him, "Where is Jack? Was he here? Did you see him?" 

Rez could tell how nervous she was, her voice was shaky and she was on the verge of tears. He couldn't have this. Of course, Jackson would cause something like this. "No. He hasn't come. I tried to call him, and got no response." 

Ally clenched her fists. "Give me your phone." 

"Ally." He said, taking a step towards her. "Don't worry about him right now. Go out there, finish your show. Your fans are begging you to come back out. Bask in the moment, enjoy it. Then, you can worry about him all you want." 

She wasn't having any of this. "Just let me have your phone. I need to know where he is. I can't just not worry about him when he's gone missing." 

He could see the anger in her starting to rise, and before her feisty side made an appearance, he pulled out his phone and handed it to her. "You have one minute." He told her, through gritted teeth. 

She ignored this remark, and went to dial Jackson. He didn't answer, of course. So, she called his brother instead. 

"Bobby, listen. I only have a minute. Look. He's gone. He's just disappeared. Nobody can get ahold him. Please. Tell me he's with you." She said as soon as he picked up, breathing heavily. 

"What? Slow down. Who's missing?" Bobby asked, even though he practically knew the answer. 

"Jackson. Have you seen him? Is he with you right now?" 

"No, he's not with me. I haven't seen him since earlier, when I dropped him off. He's not answering you?" 

"No. I'm at my show right now. He said he'd be here, and he's not. And now, nobody can get ahold of him." 

The bastard. He was probably passed out drunk. He wouldn't say that to her, though. She was already freaking out enough. "Listen. I'll go make sure he's alright. Just finish whatever you're doing. I'm going to find him." 

"Okay, Bobby. Thank you." She said, and as soon as the words escaped her lips, Rez was grabbing the phone from her. 

"Get back out there." He told her, and she did just as he said, Jackson still on the back of her mind. 

XX 

Jackson was caught up in his own world, unable to process everything. 

Moments before he was going to end his own life, he found a pregnancy test and discovered that he was going to be a father. Him. Jackson Maine. A father. Who would've thought? It still didn't completely register, but he knew that it would have to soon. 

He was so caught up in these thoughts of what it was going to be like, negative and positive, so caught up that he didn't realize Bobby standing upon him. 

Charlie was prancing around his feet as well, happy as always. 

And Bobby, he looked pissed, to say the least. 

"What the fuck are you doing?" 

Jackson knew that the scene didn't seem all that pleasant at all. He was on the floor, likely looking a mess, his belt by his side, a pregnancy test in his hand, tears rolling down his face. He was so lost in it all that he totally forgot about all else. 

"Bobby..." Jackson started, but Bobby quickly cut him off. 

"The fuck is wrong with you? Your wife called me while she was at her fuckin' concert nervous about you. Your car is still on, the door is unlocked, what do you think you're doing?" He shook his head in disgust, and then helped pulled his brother up. He didn't seem to be drunk, so what the hell was going on? Bobby loved his brother, he was the only family that he had left so he was especially important, but there was only so much one person could do. You could lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. Or, in Bobby's case, he could try and lead his brother in the right direction, but there were no guarantees that it would actually help any. 

As Jackson got up, Bobby became aware of something. A rattling noise, coming from Jackson's pocket. "What is in your pocket?" He asked Jackson, and Jackson didn't answer. 

There were pills. Pills that he had completely forgotten were in there. The pills that were also going to aid him in ending his own life. 

"Jackson. You know you can't fuckin' lie to me." 

Jackson pulled the pill bottle out and tossed it onto the ground. He was glad that his brother didn't really register the situation completely, he didn't know if he wanted him to or not. "Bobby." 

Rage instantly filled Bobby, and he got up in his brother's face. "Is this what the fuck you were doin'? Getting a fuckin' high while your wife worried sick about you?" 

"No. It's not that..." 

"Then what the fuck is it?" 

Jackson didn't respond, because in reality, he had no answer. How was he supposed to tell his brother that he was about commit suicide? He was going to try and hide it the best that he could, but what if he put two and two together? Bobby wasn't a moron. And if he did figure it out, he had no idea how he was going to explain himself. 

"Answer me, boy." 

Jackson sighed in response, his eyes glancing over towards everything. The pills, the stool, the belt. Bobby's eyes followed, and just as expected, he quickly put the pieces together, and he felt the anger rise within him yet again. 

"You fuckin' weren't." Bobby mumbled to himself, and within seconds, he had his brother pinned up against the wall. "The fuck is wrong with you? You selfish piece of shit! Is this how you wanted Ally to find you? Thank god she's not here right now. This would break her heart. Is that what you wanted?" He let go of Jackson, causing him to lose his footing and trip and stumble a bit. 

"Bobby... I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. Dad..." He couldn't even finish without breaking into tears, to which his brother pulled him into his embrace. He felt that he didn't deserve it at a time like this, but at the same time, he could've just lost the only member of his family that he had. 

"Why?" Was all Bobby could manage as Jackson clung to him, crying. He felt as if he had done more crying tonight than he had ever done. Today was whirlwind. 

"I'm sorry. I just... everyone deserves better. Ally does. You do. I'm a fucking embarrassment. But then I just thought about it. I saw that..." He glanced down quickly at the pregnancy test that was on the ground now. "I found that pregnancy test in the garbage. I'm going to be a dad. I don't know when Ally was planning on telling me, but I found out on my own. And it... it stopped me, Bobby." 

"Thank god I got here when I did. Thank god." Was all Bobby could say, not even acknowledging everything that Jackson had just said to him. It was all too much to take in all at once, for both of them. 

XX 

The first emotion that Ally was expecting to feel when she saw that Jackson was fine was relief and happiness, but instead, seeing him standing there immediately filled her with a bit of anger and hurt. 

"Where were you? You said you'd be there to sing with me, what are you doing here?" 

The hurt in her voice was all too apparent, and Jackson tried to pull her in for a hug, muttering her name, but she quickly pulled away. 

"Bobby." She said. "What was he doing? Is he..." 

"I'm not." Jackson quickly answered, but Ally couldn't believe that. She just couldn't. She glanced around the room, quickly taking note of everything on the floor. 

"What happened?" She asked, glaring at both of the men in front of her. "What's going on?" 

Jackson opened his mouth to speak, but Bobby was quick to interject. 

"I wish that he hadn't done this." He then turned to the other man, "Why did you think this was a good idea?" 

Ally squinted at them both. "Think what was a good idea?" She glanced yet again at everything around, and opened her mouth to gasp, but nothing was able to come out. "Jackson..." 

"He was about ready to end his fuckin' life before I got here, thank god I got here before it could happen, who knows what would've happened if I didn't come here." Bobby said, staring down at the ground and nodding his head. 

Jackson took a step towards her, taking in her facial expression. He could see the tears brimming in her eyes, and immediately he felt a pull at his heart. Bobby was right. Her finding him would've broken her heart, and it was the last thing that he wanted. "He was right. I was... going to. But I didn't. I... stopped before he even got here. I found that test in the trash can..." 

Her eyes followed his, and immediately she clung to him, as if her life depended on. "Why would you even think about that? I love you, I would never want you to do that." 

He held her, and felt her heart beating rapidly against his body. "I'm a joke, that's why. And I make you look like a joke too. You're way more than that." 

She pulled away to look him in the eyes. "What? Why are you saying that? You're not a joke. I love you, so much. Your disease isn't your fault, I don't know why you think it is." 

"It's true. I nearly ruined everything you had. I love you too, that's why... that's why I thought you deserved better." 

"If I would've thought that, I wouldn't still be with you. So please don't say that. Please." 

He ran his hand through her hair, as she buried her head into his shoulder. "I'm sorry." He said, sniffling. "Seeing that you were... that I was going to be a father opened my eyes. I'm sorry." He repeated. 

"I only just found out this morning. I thought maybe the stress of everything was causing problems, and that's why I felt sick, but I couldn't be too sure. So I got it today. I was going to tell you, but I just didn't know how. I figured I would after the show. I knew something was off when I told you about tour, but I had no idea that you were thinking about this." 

"I'm so sorry. I can't believe I've hurt you like this. Again." 

"Jackson. Please. Don't blame yourself for the things going on in your head. I wish you didn't think that doing that would be the way out, that's all. I'm not saying that you're an awful person." 

The two finally pulled apart. Ally reached out and grabbed everything off the floor, throwing it all in the trash can. 

"I guess I should be heading out now. Is everything going to be alright?" Bobby asked them. 

"We should be fine. Thank you, Bobby." Ally told him, giving the man a brief hug. 

"Call me if anything happens." He whispered into her ear as she did so, to which she nodded. 

"Take good fuckin' care of yourself." Bobby told his brother. "Do the right thing. And congrats, about the baby. Can't believe I'm gonna finally be a fuckin' uncle." 

Ally and Jackson both smiled, and thanked him promptly. 

"Come on. Let's go shower and get in bed. It's been a long day." Ally told her husband once Bobby was gone. 

He nodded in agreement. He wished he could just pretend that today didn't happen, but he couldn't. So, the best thing to do would be to try and move on. 

XX 

"I have a special guest." Ally said, walking into the bedroom, Charlie in her arms. 

She carried the dog to the bed, and set him down, and immediately he ran over to Jackson, and began to lick his face. 

"Hey buddy." Jackson told him, petting him. 

Ally smiled at them. Her two boys that she loved and adored more than anything in this world. "You're gonna have a sibling soon Charlie. A human one." She said, reaching over to pat the dog. She rested her head on Jackson's chest. 

"I can't believe it." He said to her, peering down at her and then staring up at the ceiling. There was somewhat of a tension around them at the moment, everything that happened earlier still lingering in the air. 

"You're going to be a father, Jackson Maine. We're going to be parents." She said, her voice groggy. She was exhausted. 

He reached his hand down, resting it on her stomach. "Wow." Was all he could say, still not wrapping his mind around the fact that there was a little life that was going to be growing in there, a life that he helped create. 

"I don't know what I'd do if you weren't going to be here to see it." 

"I'm sorry, Ally. I love you. I just... didn't want my mistakes to keep following you. And at first, I thought that the same would happen to the kid. I've just made so many mistakes, and the past can't seem to stay in the past." 

"I love you too. Don't think that you're a burden to anybody, because you're not. I told you before, it's not your fault. I'm always going to be here for you. You just have to promise me that you won't think like that ever again. That you won't ever try that again." 

"I won't." 

"Promise me." 

"I promise you." 

"Goodnight honey. I love you." She whispered into his chest, just before she drifted off to sleep. 

"I love you too." He whispered too, closing his eyes. Today was just another bump in the road, those were common. He just had to find a way over it.


	3. 3.

"Just say you won't let go."   
-James Arthur, "Say You Won't Let Go" 

XX 

Ally watched Jackson as he played with Charlie, feeling a smile make it's way across her lips. Jackson didn't notice she was standing there watching them just yet, and she didn't mind. 

Moments like this were her favorite. They were sweet and innocent. Seeing the man that she loved so happy and so full of life, playing with their dog, it was everything to her. This was what she wished it could be like all of the time. Of course, happy moments like this weren't RARE by any means, but she knew that her husband wasn't always happy like this, even if he deserved it more than anything. 

"You two having fun?" She asked, deciding to break the silence. 

Jackson turned towards her, a stick in his hand, Charlie at his feet waiting for him to throw it. "Hey, I was wondering why you were gone so long." 

"It's a long story. Come in." She told him, all happiness in her fading back into anxiety. 

"Come on, Charlie." Jackson motioned towards the dog, who followed him inside excitedly. 

They sat next to each other on the couch, and Ally quickly moved closer to him so that she could rest her head on his shoulder. "You have leaves in your hair." She commented, giggling and pulling them out. 

"Really?" He asked, chuckling. 

"Yes. I guess getting rough with Charlie can get messy, huh?" 

"Yeah, I guess so. So, what's wrong? What happened?" 

"How do I put this... well, I don't really have a manager anymore. Me and Rez argued, and it ended up with him telling me how hard it's going to be to clean up after myself. I guess I'm fine with it... me and him weren't getting along lately, but it's still scary." 

"Scary?" 

"Yeah. We might've butted heads a lot, but he did do a lot for me. Now, I have no idea where my career is going to go. Or if I even have one anymore." 

"Of course you have one. People want to hear what you have to say. That's not going to change, no matter who your manager is. I've told you this before and I'll keep saying it until you understand. You're talented. People love you. That's never going to change." 

She felt a blush creep it's way into her cheeks. Jackson always knew how to reassure her and make it so that her insecurities were just something in her own head and nothing more. "All I wanted to do was tell him to not comment on you because it's not his business, and it turned into all of that. He also tried to convince to still do the European tour." 

"Did you tell him that you were pregnant?" 

"I did. And he made some comment about how it's somehow your fault, and how I'm letting you hold me back yet again. It was ridiculous." 

Jackson didn't answer for a few seconds, letting out a sigh. "I'm sorry." 

She picked her head up, and stared into his blue eyes. "What?" 

"I hate that you're doing this again." 

"Doing what? What are you talking about?" 

"If it weren't for me, there would've never been a fucking problem between you and him. None of this would've happened. You're giving up things for me, and you don't deserve that shit." 

"Jack..." She said, pulling him into her embrace. "That's not true. It wasn't just things to do with you. He was starting to get controlling over what I was going to put out and do, and I didn't want that. I want people to want to listen to ME, not whatever he wants to make me. This would've happened one way or another. Don't blame yourself." 

"How can I not? Everytime our relationship is mentioned, they always need to talk about how they felt that I made a mockery of you, and how you should just leave me already. Hell, some of them make fucking predictions about when it's going to happen." 

"The media is cruel, that's just how they are. I'm never leaving you, okay? I love you." She kisses him quickly. "None of them know what you go through. They all think it's a joke. Even I didn't understand it at first. But now, I know it's not your fault." 

"And I know that when news of our kid comes out, they're all going to say something about that too. Knowing Rez, he's going to make that information available as fast as he fucking can and put his two cents." 

"I wish anybody would say something about our kid. I'll kick their asses." 

Jackson chuckled. "They don't want to mess with you, you'll punch them." 

"I will. Speaking of our kid, we need to go to the doctor's soon. Just confirm everything and see how far along I really am." 

"We can do that. You being pregnant, you need a break from music and everything anyways. So don't stress too much about the thing with your manager, okay?" 

She leaned in to kiss him again. He always knew how to make her feel better, and she did the same for him. They truly were two halves of a whole. 

XX 

"How did you know?" Jackson asked out loud as they drove, while his wife was staring out of the window. He could tell that she was exhausted, even if she wouldn't admit it. She was dressed in baggy clothes, her hair in a loose ponytail. He told her several times how cute she looked before they left, because really, there didn't seem to be a look that she couldn't pull off. 

"Huh?" She asked, turning to him. 

"How did you know that you were pregnant? How'd you know to take the test?" 

"I just had suspicions. I was getting more tired. Missed my period. I was getting nauseous all the time. Thought it was just the stress of everything. I took the test just to be safe, and sure enough, it was positive." 

"Why didn't you tell me when you were getting suspicious?" 

"I just didn't think it was anything serious at first. Everyone gets stressed, it's life." 

"I hope the baby has your nose." 

"Are you serious? I hope they don't." 

"Why not? I love your nose, our baby would be very lucky to inherit it." 

"Jackson, don't you dare wish that upon our child." 

"I'll always love your nose, I don't get why you hate it so much." 

"It's just what I was conditioned to think my whole life. It's one of my worse features." 

"One of your best. It's one of my favorite things about you." 

"Really, Jack? Of all fucking things-" 

"You're beautiful. And your nose only helps to make that even more apparent." 

She leaned her head against the passenger's seat window, smiling. "If our baby does get my nose, I just hope that they get your eyes to balance everything out." 

XX 

7 weeks. That's how far along Ally was. Her baby was supposedly the size of a blueberry. According to the doctor, cravings and also aversions to certain foods were likely to occur. 

Jackson placed his hand over her stomach. He could barely feel anything, barely see anything for that matter, but just the idea of a child, HIS child, growing in there, made him happy and scared the hell out of him at the same time. 

"How has it been almost two months already?" Ally asked once they got home. They had already known that she was pregnant before, but hearing it confirmed by the doctor just made the realization feel all the more... real. She was really pregnant. Nearly 2 months, to be exact. 

"That's... crazy." Jackson commented, opening the fridge and pulling out a bottle of vitamin water. "Bobby called while we were there, I didn't see it. I'll call him back in a few minutes." 

"Why don't we invite him over for dinner? Tell him about everything." 

"Yeah, we could do that. I'll cook." 

"That's okay. I can do it." 

"No, I'll do it. You should be resting, and not be on your feet all the time." 

"I'm fucking pregnant, not crippled!" 

"Hey, I thought you liked my cooking." He joked, smirking at her. 

"I do. You know what, you can do it. I think it'll be nice. Also, can I invite my dad over too? He has no idea yet, we might as well tell him." 

"That sounds good." He gave her a warm smile, and began to get things out, to see what he could make. 

How life was right now, was how life should always be. If only things were that easy. 

XX 

"I didn't know you could cook this well, this is delicious." Lorenzo commented as he ate the food that Jackson had prepared for dinner. 

Ally smiled at her father. "My Jack is a man of many talents, huh?" 

Jackson felt his cheeks get hot, smiling at his wife. "Nah, I just picked up some tricks over the years. Nothin' that special." 

"He's right, this is fuckin' good." Bobby said, putting another forkful in his mouth. Everyone at the table had chuckled. Jackson truly felt at home with all of them. 

The table was set nicely, all of the food in the center, bottles of root beer in front of everyone, that was Ally's idea. ("We both can't drink, so this is what's best!" She had said to Jackson, with that cute giggle of hers.) 

"I guess maybe it's time you tell them the news, huh?" Jackson said, winking at his wife. 

"News?" Lorenzo asked. "Is it bad?" 

Ally placed her hand over her father's. Her mind immediately raced towards Rez. She could worry about bringing that up later, now wasn't the time. "No, it's actually something really good. Bobby already knows." She leaned over and whispered into Jackson's ear, "You say it." Even if she knew her father wasn't going to freak out or anything of the sort, but she was still nervous. 

He kissed her quickly before turning to the two men at the table. "Like she said, Bobby already knows this. But, Ally's pregnant. 7 weeks to be exact. We went to the doctor's and confirmed it. We knew before from a pregnancy test, but it's better that we know for sure now." 

Lorenzo dropped his fork. "Oh my god! Are you serious? Sweetheart, come here!" He said, shooting up. Ally did as well, and he pulled her in for a hug. "I don't want to go too hard so I don't hurt the baby." 

Ally smiled as she pulled away. "You're fine." 

"I can't believe I'm going to be an uncle at my fuckin' age." Bobby commented with a chuckle, shaking his head in disbelief. 

"Well, you better start believing it old man." Jackson said, laughing. "You're going to be an uncle." 

"I can't believe I'm getting a grandchild. Oh my god. That baby is going to be so beautiful, and so talented. Is it going to be a boy or girl?" Lorenzo said as he sat back down, so excited that he was speaking in run on sentences. 

Ally and Jackson smiled at each other. This was going beautifully. Not that they were planning on a disaster, but good moments were the best moments for them. 

"Dad, I'm only 7 weeks. The baby is only the size of a blueberry right now. A few more weeks, and we'll know for sure. But not yet." Ally told him. 

"What do you WANT it to be?" 

"Gosh, dad, now that you mention it, I don't-" 

"A boy. Maybe then Jackson can see how fuckin' hard he is to manage." Bobby interjected, Ally shooting him a glare, even though he was joking. 

"I'd of course love either. But I honestly want a little girl." Jackson said, looking up at nothing in particular and smiling. "But a little boy would be nice too." 

"They say that you can sense it, can you, sweetheart?" Lorenzo asked, taking a swig of his root beer. "What does it feel like to you?" 

"I honestly don't know. It just feels different. It doesn't really feel like anything yet. I wouldn't mind either, I just want a happy and healthy baby, but I think that the idea of Jack with a little girl is the sweetest thing." She gave her husband a warm smile. 

He stared off into the distance, images of it all flashing in his mind. Having a kid. Teaching him or her to play piano. Guitar. To sing. It was almost too much for his heart to handle. And it was just what he needed. Just what he and Ally both needed. 

XX 

"Jack... Are you sure you don't want me to at least help you with the dishes?" 

"No. It's fine." 

Ally had to admit, she did love this special treatment. But she wished that Jackson would realize that he deserved some too. 

She went over to the piano, and sat down. Charlie was sitting nearby, and as soon as he saw her sit down he was at her feet.

She reached down to pet him, and then reached up and began to play. 

A few moments later, Jackson stepped in and watched her for a few moments, smiling at how into it she was. 

She was playing that song that he had written for her, the one that she had found and brought to him in rehab, the "hidden love song". She wasn't singing, just playing and smiling amongst herself. 

He sat beside her and she stopped playing to kiss him on the lips. 

"I think it's so beautiful. The song, I mean." She said, smiling. "Are you ever going to finish it?" 

"Maybe. It just poured out of me one day, but maybe I'll end up finishing it soon. Seeing you play it makes me miss singing. Maybe we could make it a duet." 

"We can, I always love our songs together. They'll always have a special place in my heart." 

"I remember the first time you sang shallow to me like it was yesterday. It stuck with me every minute after, and then my part of the song just popped into my head." 

"I remember when you first sang the part that you wrote, I was ready to cry right there. And not even just because I was scared to sing up there with you. I just couldn't believe you wrote that for the song, about me, in such a short time, it was so beautiful. 

"You wrote yours in the parking lot with me, didn't you? I was amazed. I knew the moment I first saw you singing that there was something special about you, but just hearing you come up with that really confirmed it. That's why I'm telling you that your career isn't going anywhere. You're a star." 

"If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have ever had the guts to perform anywhere except for the bar. Ramon always tried to give me a push to get myself out there, but I never felt ready." 

"Don't say that. I'm not the reason people wanted to hear you. You're the reason. You know what I was thinking about when I was just watching you play a few seconds ago?" 

"What?" 

"You and our kid, sitting there and playing together. You think our kid is gonna be a songwriter?" 

"I hope so. They'll definitely have a love for music, with us as parents." 

"Or maybe they'll rebel and decide that they hate music and everything to do with it, and take up something else instead." He chuckled. "It's so strange, thinking about me as a father. I don't even have my own shit together." 

"I can think about it. We all deal with things. It doesn't make you any less sweet, any less caring. I'm lucky to have you, and the baby is going to be too." 

He didn't say anything more. He didn't want her to pity him yet again, it was pathetic. Instead, he reached over and put his hand over his wife's stomach, trying to imagine the person inside of there. A person that had a part of him. A person that was part Ally. A person that he was going to meeting very soon. 

But most of all, in there was a person that had saved his life. 

XX 

A/N: that's all of the pre written chapters I have for this so far, but don't worry, an update shall be really soon! I had no idea that there was actually people posting fics for this, so this had just been something in my docs for the longest time. But I'm so excited to see all of the fics, I can't wait to read all of them!! 

Also, this chapter is lighthearted but things are going to start getting a bit more... heated soon. Y'all will know what I mean when I update, but don't worry, nobody is DYING. 

See you all soon, thanks so much for reading!!


	4. 4. (!)

A/N: (!)= mature/triggering content. This chapter contains mentions of drug/alcoholism/alcohol abuse, and contains some self depreciative thoughts that could be seen as triggering. 

Also, there is a scene of vomiting. 

XX 

"It's only when I'm lonely, sometimes I just wanna cave."   
-Demi Lovato, "Sober" 

XX 

Jackson never really understood the appeal of watching somebody sleep. It always seemed like such an odd thing to him, so absurd, why would anybody ever do that? 

And yet, here he was, looking over at Ally intently, feeling himself smile. She was always beautiful, but something about how at ease and how peaceful she looked made her seem ethereal. 

The way that her chest rose and fell, the way her hair was falling in her face a bit, the small smile that was on her lips. They were all normal things, but he couldn't help but adore them. 

He moved her hair back and gave her a small kiss on the forehead, and then decided to rise out of bed. 

Lately, he had been waking up much earlier than expected, always earlier than Ally, which was odd. Some days, he woke up in a cold sweat, knowing he had just had a nightmare, but not remembering a second of it. He had an inhibition that it was about his attempted suicide the other night, because what else could it be, but he was trying not to think about it. It would just send him into a spiral of self hate and sadness yet again. 

He wanted to pretend like it didn't happen, but he knew that it just couldn't be like that. He knew that this was going to linger in the air and follow him for awhile. 

She hadn't said anything, but he knew that her trust in him was currently wavering. He didn't blame her. If she had tried to do the same thing, he would be just as protective, but he sort of hated it. Because once again, she would need to dedicate her time to making sure he was alright. 

He let Charlie outside, and sat himself at the table for a few moments, just thinking to himself. He was lost in his own world, his own thoughts, watching as Charlie played among himself outside, smiling. 

He went and took a quick shower, so that he could actually make productive use of his time, and when he finished, he saw Ally in the kitchen, sipping a coffee while Charlie sat in her lap. 

"How long have you been up?" She asked, smiling at him. She wasn't nervous today when she didn't wake up beside him, partly because she heard the water running, partly because of the conversation that she had with him the night prior. He was already making improvements, and that made her happy. She wished things could just stay like this forever, simple and lovely. 

"Awhile, actually. You've been sleeping in late a lot lately, haven't you?" He joked. 

She chuckled. "Yeah, I guess so. Carrying another human being can be exhausting, I guess. Oh, and so can stress." 

"Don't stress too much. Try and relax the best that you can. Don't worry too much about everything, especially about me." 

"It's hard not to think about everything." She said, staring off into the distance. 

"I know. But just... try and take it easy." 

"You too, okay? I don't want you to be stressing or doing anything crazy either." 

"I won't. I already told you I won't." 

She smiled at him again. "I trust you." 

He began to open the cupboards, looking around for something to make. "I was going to make breakfast before you got up, but I guess that you got up before I could. Again." He told her, chuckling. 

"It's okay, it's the thought. And now, I can help you." 

"That's okay, I can do it. And I don't think we have much left, I guess I really overdid it the other day." He smirked, still rummaging around, his search still quite unsuccessful. 

"I'll have to go to the store and get some more stuff in a little while. It's fine. I feel sort of sick right now anyways." 

"It's alright, I can go." 

"Maybe we both can. I'm going to go lay back down, we can figure it all out when I get back up." She smiled warmly at him before getting up and walking back into the bedroom. 

XX 

If there was one thing that annoyed Jackson to no end, it was writer's block. 

As his alcoholism and drug addiction progressed and began to take a hold on things, he just began to lose inspiration all together. His life literally revolved around the substances that his body was now relying on, the one thing he knew how to do and loved doing, music, was now on the back burner. 

Writer's block and other creative blocks were much different than that. Once he began attempting to combat the demons in his mind, he was beside himself and his art yet again. It was a great feeling. 

But even with this passion that has been born again, sometimes words just couldn't come out. Sometimes, you could wrestle with an idea for hours and have it go completely nowhere. 

That was exactly what was happening right now, as Jackson sat at the piano while his wife was asleep, paper and pencil in front of him, wanting nothing more than to be able to put what he was feeling down. But, he just couldn't. 

And it was frustrating. He WANTED to create. But nothing was coming out. 

He sighed, erasing the words that he had just written. They made no sense, it was all just a jumble. He knew what he wanted to say, just not how to say it. 

He didn't think that he was sitting there for very long. Even if it did feel like an eternity. But then he felt a touch on his shoulder, and nearly jumped. It was Ally, in a big shirt of his, and messy hair. 

"Whatcha doing?" She asked, smirking at him. It was very rare, seeing him frustrated with himself like this. He usually always tried to keep it hidden, like he had everything together. 

"I just had an idea. Or, at least I thought I did. I couldn't get anything out." 

She kissed the top of his head. "I know how it feels. It's okay. Maybe it'll come to you later, you never know." 

"I know, it's just... annoying. How was your nap?" 

"Well needed. This is way more tiring than I thought it would be, even as early as it is. I can only imagine when I get farther along." 

"Well, it's fine. You need rest. And you know I'm here to take care of you." 

"I know you are." 

"You want me to go to the store now? You can just tell me what to get. You can stay here and just rest, being on your feet probably isn't best." 

"It's okay, I'm fine I promise you." 

"Listen, I don't want you to think I'm not capable-" 

"What?" She interrupted, cocking a brow. 

"I know what you're getting at. You want to go with me in case I fuck something up." 

"What? That makes no sense. I literally didn't say that." 

"You implied it." 

"No, I didn't. That's not what I meant at all. I don't know where you're getting that from. I would rather have you out with me than here, to be honest." 

"See, here it is. I hate this, I hate that you have to do this."

"You hate what? Jack, I have no idea what you're talking about." Where had any of this come from? It didn't make any sense whatsoever, and she hated that he kept bringing up these self depreciative conversations. She wasn't angry or annoyed, she just wished that she could make everything better. 

"How you feel like you need to care for me, and have to be careful about what you let me do. You shouldn't have to fuckin' do that." He was ashamed, even if didn't blatantly say it, she knew that was what he was feeling. And deep down, he knew that he was feeling it as well. 

"Listen, I just want what's best for you. I don't want you to think that I think that you're weak. Because you're not. You can't help it, it's not your fault, and it never will be." 

"It's my fault that you have to hold back on things, and even you can't deny that." 

"Yes I can, and I will. Don't think like that. Please. We've already been over this." 

"Just make me a list of things to get. I'll just go quickly." He said, in a much different tone than he had just a few moments ago. She didn't want to push him any further, so she took the notebook that was in front of him, flipped to a blank page, and wrote a few things down. 

"I think that's all we need. Just a few things, nothing major." 

He tore out the piece of paper, and went to go leave, not uttering another word. 

XX 

Jackson hated his mind right about now. 

He was simply putting eggs in the cart, why was alcohol floating around on his brain? 

His small "argument"(if you could even call it that) with Ally was floating around in his mind. He couldn't stop thinking about it. Yes, he promised her that he would try and not do anything that he had done that fateful night again. But when he thought about it, he was the root of her problems. All of them. 

He couldn't think about it right now, couldn't go home to her and pretend that it was okay. It wasn't. He didn't want to upset her and stress her further by continually bringing these things that he thought about himself up. It made him feel shitty, and it made her feel shitty. It was why he had nearly taken his own life. Wouldn't it just be better? 

What was the one thing that could help rid these thoughts, even if just for a few seconds? Alcohol. 

He hated that he thought that, he hated that even after all he had done to try and fight off the monsters in his mind, that he still thought that alcohol was the answer. 

But now that he had the thought circling around his mind, he couldn't get it out. Everywhere he looked, alcohol. Everytime he tried to evade the thoughts, he failed. It was no use. 

He hated this. He wished that he could've been stronger in the moment. But he couldn't be. 

He bought all of the things that Ally had told him to, accompanied by a twelve pack of beer. The cashier recognized him and Jackson made it a point that he was buying the alcohol for his brother and not himself, and he wished himself that it was the truth. He knew that the man didn't probably believe him, but it didn't matter. He couldn't stop Jackson from buying the stuff, no matter what the case was. 

And as if that wasn't enough, he rushed into the liquor store that was nearby and grabbed a barrage of things, things that his mind was convincing him that he would need to cleanse his brain of the things that he couldn't stop thinking about. 

He went into the car, after driving himself back to the parking lot of the grocery store since the one by the liquor store was vacant and the last thing that he wanted was to be caught, and he drank himself into a floozy, as soon as the first drop of the substance hit his lips, he knew that this was wrong, but for some reason, a part of his mind was still cheering him on. He wasn't going to drink it all, he'd surely die if he did, but he still got it all regardless.

He instantly felt better, but also worse, at the same time. This was the worst thing that he could've done at a time like this, crack under the pressure, let the bad thoughts win, but that was exactly what he was doing, and there was no going back now. 

He drank until he saw stars, until his vision was blurred, until he forget who he fucking was. It felt sickly good, but also beyond awful. He felt as though he was going to faint or something of the sort, he felt like he wasn't on the ground, like he was floating. Alcohol was something that hadn't entered his body in so long, either he forgot what it felt like, or his body was going apeshit because he had been clean for so long.

There really was no going back now. 

XX 

Ally was nervous off her ass, to say the least. Jackson had been gone for hours, far too many for some simple shopping. 

She had tried to call, but he never picked up. She called and texted him so many times she was sure that she had crashed his phone, and he still didn't answer a single one of them. 

She was shaking, beyond scared for him. What had happened? Was he alright? 

After a few more unsuccessful attempts of contacting him, she did the only other thing that she could do, and that was call Bobby. 

"He's gone." She told him. "He won't answer me. All he did was go to the store. That was it. He should be home by now. I have no idea what to do. He won't answer me." 

"That fuckin' boy." Bobby mumbled, sighing. "I'll try and call him. If he doesn't pick up, I'll call you back." 

A couple of minutes later, he called back, and Ally had hope since he didn't call back right away. 

But of course, her hope was crushed in mere seconds. 

"I called so many fuckin' times. He didn't pick up. Should've known he wouldn't of. I'm going to go look for him." 

"I want to go too. Pick me up, and we can find him together." 

"No. Trust me, you don't want to do that." 

"I do. Please. I deserve to know where he is too, he owes the explanation to me as well." 

He knew that she would regret this. He could imagine where Jackson was right about now. How bad it was going to be for her. How hard it was. 

"Fine. I'll be there. But when we find him, don't you dare give him fuckin' sympathy." 

XX 

They went to the bar first. It was the most obvious answer, or so they thought. But he wasn't there. They even asked around, and got nothing. 

Wherever he was, he obviously wasn't in a good predicament if he wouldn't even bother to answer. He had no reason to ignore her. So it was naturally just overly concerning. 

"Ally!" She heard some people call out to her as she and Bobby exited the bar. Usually, she was fine with meeting fans; signing autographs, taking pictures, whatever they wanted. 

But tonight, she wasn't having any of it. 

"Move." She told them, pushing past them so that she could get outside. 

XX 

"Where could he be?" Ally asked out loud, as she looked out the window. It was getting dark already, she could see the stars and the moon in the sky. She was growing more impatient and nervous by the second. How could she not? They had been out looking for god knows how long, and still haven't found even the slightest sign of Jackson. 

"Where did you say? You asked him to go to the store, right? We can ask around and see if anybody saw him there, it'll be a start. I don't know where in fuckin' hell he could've gone." Bobby told her, and she agreed, not knowing what else they could do. She too had no clue where he could've gone, and why she just let this happen. She knew that she couldn't blame herself, but she really couldn't help but do so. 

They pulled into the parking lot of the store, and immediately they recognized the car. Jackson was here. 

Bobby pulled up right next to it, and as soon as he did, he heard Ally let out a loud gasp. 

Jackson was inside, passed out. And from what they could see, there were too many bottles of too many brands of alcohol to even count. 

"He fuckin' didn't." 

Almost immediately, they were both out of Bobby's car and rushing over towards Jackson. 

Bobby tried hitting the window to get Jackson's attention, hoping it would wake him up, but it didn't work. 

So, Bobby did the next best thing, which was break the window open by punching it, not caring how it left his knuckle bloody. He didn't know how he had managed to do it on his first try, it was probably the adrenaline that was running through him at rapid speed. Immediately, he was met with the smell of alcohol and vomit. 

Ally watched all of this unfold, holding back her tears. Mayb Bobby was right, she didn't want to be here. Seeing Jack like this, just like the days when it was really bad, it hurt her more than anything. Why had he done this? 

Bobby shook his brother around, screaming out his name. When that didn't work, he decided to give him a hard slap. 

He opened his eyes ever so slightly. 

"B... Bobby." He muttered, his voice barely audible. 

"What are you fuckin' doing? Are you kidding me?" He shouted at his brother. 

Ally still lingered behind, not sure what to do or say. This broke her heart. She wanted to cry, but didn't want to make the situation any worse than it already was. So she just stuck behind watching, unable to move. 

"Look, I-" Jackson started, but before he could mutter anything more, he vomited all over himself. 

Bobby reached inside of the car window and unlocked the car, and he opened the door, pulling Jackson out. He fell to the ground as soon as Bobby let him go. 

"Jack..." Ally said as she approached him. "What happened?" 

"I... What are you doing here?" He asked weakly, coughing violently. 

"She wanted to see where you fuckin' were, she sent you to the store to just grab some things, remember? And instead, you got all of this." Bobby said, pulling everything out of the car. 

"Here, I'll help you clean up. Let's get him in the back seat." Jackson was awake, but he was barely in it right now. All he saw around him were Ally and Bobby, the rest of the world was a blur. 

Ally helped get him up, and he leaned on her as she guided him towards the car. She and Bobby helped lay him down in the backseat as they cleaned up. 

"How are gonna deal with this fuckin' vomit?" Bobby asked aloud as he gathered all of the bottles that were in the car. He was just going to get rid of them all, he didn't care what they were. 

"I don't know. I guess I can go inside the store and get some stuff to clean it up. Just make sure he's alright." She told him, running off. 

"What the hell were you thinking?" Bobby asked Jackson as he stuck his head back in the car. "Is this what you wanted, for her to find you like this? She'll never tell you how much seeing you like this breaks her, but it does." 

"I know... I just... I didn't mean." 

"You need to fuckin' commit. Is this the life you want? Is this how you want it to be? Is this what you want her to have to deal with?" He knew that this was making him feel guilty, but he didn't really care at the moment. 

"No... I don't know why I let this happen. I'm... im sorry, Bobby." 

"Then prove it. I've tried so hard, dammit. I care about you, whether you think that or not. And even if you don't care about me, you wife cares. So much. She wants you to get better. And don't you want to? This isn't a way to fuckin' live, Jackson." 

"I do. I don't know what happened tonight... I... I'm sorry." Was all he could say, and Bobby didn't know what else to say, so the two of them just waited in an uncomfortable silence until Ally came back. 

XX 

The silence continued as Bobby drove Ally and Jackson home. He would walk back and get his vehicle later after he was done dropping them off, what was important was making sure that everything was alright. 

Ally was sitting in the back of the car, Jackson's head resting in her lap, running her fingers through his hair. 

"It's gonna be okay. I promise you. Nobody is angry." She assured him. He was still a bit dazed and out of it, his head was spinning. 

Once they got to the house, Bobby helped her bring him inside, and she ran some water for him, so that she could help him get cleaned up. 

"Do you want me to stay?" Bobby asked her, and she nodded. 

"No, it'll be fine. I've dealt with this before. It'll be okay. I'll talk to him about it all tomorrow. Right now, I just want him to rest." 

"I understand. I know I come off heavy to him, but it's because I care about him. All of these years, I've been trying to see him get better. And with you, he's doing much better than he's ever done. I just don't want him to end up like..." He trailed off, and Ally pulled him in for a hug. 

"I'll give you a call if I think I can't handle something, I promise. But he'll be alright." 

"I hope so." He told her, walking out. 

XX

Ally helped Jackson into bed. The two of them hadn't exchanged any words since being home, but it didn't matter. Maybe it was better, she didn't want to stress him any. She desperately wanted to know what had happened, what had brought him to doing that, but she knew that asking right away might make him uncomfortable. She would talk to him tomorrow, and if he didn't want to tell her, he didn't. She just wanted more than anything for him to be okay. 

"Ally, I'm sorry-" He started, but she quickly cut him off. 

"Shh. It'll be okay." 

"No, it won't. I failed you. I failed Bobby." 

"You didn't fail anybody. Bobby loves you so much, you know that right? I do too. We just want the best for you. But don't worry about all of that now, please just rest, we can talk more about everything tomorrow. You just need to rest first." 

He didn't say anything more, just closed his eyes and willed darkness to take him away. He felt Ally climb beside him, and couldn't stop the small smile that was forming on his lips. 

Maybe she was right. Tomorrow was a new day. Tomorrow, he could do better. 

XX 

A/N: ironically enough, the first scene I wrote of this was the writer's block one. Kids, if you're ever suffering a bad case of writer's block, write about a character going through it. Channel your frustration. It works. 

Also, I'd like to thank my friend Sunny. Without him opening up to me about his own struggles and how he dealt with it over time, I don't know how this chapter, or this story, would've came to be. Thanks for trusting me enough to talk to me about these things, and tell me the details that most people would never admit. All the love for him, as well as anybody else that may be suffering. 

As always, I love you all, thanks so much for reading, I hope you all have a great day/night! At the time of posting this, I've also posted a Jack/Ally Christmas themed one shot, go read that if you haven't!! It's corny and fluffy, just the way I like it.


	5. 5.

"Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you." 

-Blue October, "Hate Me" 

XX 

Ally was up early the next morning. 

Part of it was her morning sickness, as soon as her eyes opened, she was up and running to the bathroom, vomiting into the toilet. 

The other part of it was her anxiety about Jackson. It had kept her up and rolling around all night, she couldn't stop herself from glancing at him consistently, making sure that he was alright. 

"You okay?" She heard her husband ask from the bed as she stepped back into the bedroom. He was still under the covers, and judging from the way he was squinting his eyes, his head was hurting. 

"I'm alright. Just morning sickness." She said, climbing back in beside him. "How are you feeling?" 

"I'm okay. Kind of shitty. Guilty." He told her, turning away. 

"Don't be. What's done is done. Are you okay now, though? Like what happened, Jack? Talk to me." 

"It's hard to explain to someone who, you know, isn't an alcoholic. It was just a moment where I lost all sight of myself. It was all sort of a blur, really. My mind went fucking batshit, and I was falling back into that shit again. I didn't want to do it. Trust me." 

There was a hurt in his eyes as he explained this, she would even say that he seemed on the verge of tears. This hurt allowed her to feel what he was telling her, even if she had no idea what it was like. "Jack, I don't want you to think that anybody is angry. We're not. It's not your fault. I don't want you to think that this is too much for me. If it was, I would tell you." 

"I know, but this shouldn't be happening. You shouldn't have had to find me like that." 

"Don't Beat yourself up over it, okay?" 

"Are you sure that you would leave if you were at your breaking point? Do you promise? I don't want you to be in a place where you're sacrificing your own needs." 

"I would. I promise. You just need to come up with a plan to get over this for good. I can help you, and provide the support you need. I'm not saying it'll be simple. But you're making an effort, that's what matters. This isn't too much for me. It really isn't. You want to fight this. And I love you, and want to see you fight it." She gave him a warm smile. 

He smiled weakly back at her. "I just have to be sure. I want you to be happy." 

"I want you happy too."

"I'm going to do everything that I can, trust me."

"Is there anything that you want to do? Like, seeing somebody again? It might help." 

He shook his head. "Maybe. I don't want to have that happen ever again. You don't deserve it. Bobby doesn't. Our child doesn't." 

"You're forgetting the most important thing, Jack." 

He turned to her again. "What?" He asked her. 

"You. You don't deserve this to happen to you. You should want to get better because of you. You deserve it more than anyone." 

He stared at her for a few moments, the feeling growing in his chest at this very moment was nothing but pure love. For her, for getting so lucky, for this life that he somehow got lucky enough to live with her. Minus the shit going on in his head, of course. Even with all of that, Ally just made things bearable. "I love you." He said simply. "I don't know where I'd be without you." 

"I love you too. You can get through this. I know you can. You didn't give up before, and I know you won't now. This doesn't mean anything, unless you let it." She leaned over and kissed him falling back down onto her pillow. 

XX 

Jackson woke up to Ally not in bed beside him. He wanted to get up, but his body wasn't letting him move just yet. He was in pain, and a hell of a lot of it. 

Everything that had happened was all a blur, and he still couldn't stop thinking about it. It was stupid, it was something that should've never happened. 

But like his wife had told him, it couldn't stop him, unless he let it. It was only a hiccup. Those happened all of the time. It wouldn't become a full on relapse, he wouldn't let it. He would try and talk to somebody, see how it went. He would do it for himself, and for Ally as well. She didn't have to stick with him through all of this, but she did, and for that she deserved everything good in the world. 

He slowly got himself up, letting his body adjust. This was nothing that he hadn't dealt with before, but that didn't make it any less shitty. 

He stumbled up to his feet, standing for a moment, just to gain his composure. Ally was already up, he was surprised she wasn't playing piano right about now. 

He walked out, and saw her at the table, scrolling through her phone with a scowl on her face. 

"Hey." He said to her, and she looked up for a brief second and smiled at him. 

"Hey." She said back, and immediately her nose was back into the phone. 

"What are you looking at?" He asked her. He felt as if his head was going to explode right about now, but he was trying his best to just ignore it. 

"I should've expected this." Was all she replied with, shaking her head. 

"Expected what?" 

"There's some gossip going around. About what had happened between Rez and I. There's so many different stories, I can barely even keep up. I should've known he would've went and opened his damn mouth." 

"What did he say?" That little prick. Of course he would make Ally look bad in this situation. He couldn't afford to smear his own reputation. 

"I have no idea exactly what he said, but I guess I supposedly think that I'm better than him, and never needed him anyways, and that I tried to attack him." She said, chuckling. "Apparently, there's speculation about me being pregnant too. Guess he let that slip." She shook her head again. 

"You don't need him." 

"He did a lot of good things for me, I'll never deny that. But all good things have to come to an end, I guess. I'm not going to entertain it. He can go behind my back. I'm taking time off for me, and for you. I don't need to deal with all of this right now." 

"You shouldn't have to. He's just trying to make you look bad so that he doesn't have to. I wouldn't entertain it either. It's just stupid shit. I've been through lots of it. Don't worry, there are many people like him. You'll be fine. You can figure it all out soon. Don't stress." 

"I won't. He doesn't deserve my stress, or yours. I have other things to worry about. So do you." She set her phone down on the table and stood up. 

Jackson felt himself stumble, and grabbed onto the chair for support. 

"You okay, honey?" His wife asked him, putting her hand on his shoulder and giving it a loving squeeze. 

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it." 

"I can't help it, you know that. I'm just making sure." 

"I can manage. I think I might look into talking to somebody, like you said. I don't want something like that to happen ever again." 

"I don't either. Whatever you want to do, I'll support it. I just want you to be better." 

He leaned over, planting a kiss on her cheek. "I want to be better too." 

XX 

A/N: hey sorry for the short filler chapter! Thank you all for all of the support lately, I love reading your comments, they make my day! 

Love u all so much, happy new year to all you lovely people!! Thanks again for reading!


	6. 6.

"Never need to go back to the way I was."   
-Maroon 5, "The Way I Was" 

XX

The next few days passed in agony for Ally and Jackson. 

For Jackson, it was a matter of his body begging him to give it alcohol or something of the sort again. That was the biggest problem with allowing yourself to drink again, even just a little bit. Your body wouldn't give up until you did it again, remembering just how much it relied on it before. 

It was painful, and it was pitiful. He made some calls to see who he could see and talk to, maybe it would help. He hated relying on others and needing help, he always had. But this wasn't relying on someone, it was realizing that he had a problem. It was the first step to getting better for good, wasn't it? 

For Ally, her pregnancy was simply making her more and more sick. She spent her time vomiting, in pain, and just moody overall. It made everything simply more miserable. She felt herself resting more than she ever had. 

How in the hell could she have ever toured like this? She would've been absolutely miserable, and would've not wanted to continue at all. Rez had been out of his mind suggesting that. 

Speaking of Rez, he seemed to not know when to stop speaking, because more and more rumors were flying around about Ally, and Jackson even. 

For most of her career, Ally didn't really have to deal with that much untrue gossip. There was of course a level of it, but it was never to this degree. 

It was no surprise, though. Rez had a very high level of power within the industry, what he said and did was held at a very high standard and always looked at as truth, no matter how ludicrous. That was simply just the way it was. 

Thankfully, the things he was saying weren't too out of hand. At least for now. She was pissed off when she saw the comments about Jackson, but they were nothing too serious, so she decided not to entertain it. Anything more serious though, and she would have something to say to him. She didn't care what their relationship was anymore, it didn't give him the right to be disrespectful. Hopefully it wouldn't go any further than it was. She was sure that it wouldn't, but then again, you never knew with a person like him... 

"You alright?" She heard her husband ask, and she turned over slowly to meet his eye. He was sitting on top the bed next to her. 

"I'm... fine." She answered, her body still a bit groggy. She should of have gotten up, but her boy was simply insisting on more sleep. So that was what she was going to do. 

"Just making sure. You've been in bed a lot lately, that's why I'm askin'." 

"This pregnancy is making me a lot more sick than I thought. At first, it wasn't bad so I had hope. But now, my hope has been crushed." She said, giggling weakly. 

"I can't imagine what it feels like. We have an appointment coming up soon, right?" 

"Yeah, this Friday. Just some usually check ups and stuff. I don't know if we'll know if it's a boy or girl yet." 

"Once we find out, I'm gonna start working on a nursery. We're gonna turn one of the rooms we don't really use, and make it a place for the baby." 

Ally smiled. "Have you thought about names at all? For either or?" 

"Not really, if I'm being honest." 

"I haven't either. Guess we really aren't prepared for this parent thing, are we?" 

"I'm sure we'll get used to it. I hope so." 

She moved over, resting her head in his lap. "You know, when I first did that test, I was scared. I didn't really know what to think." 

"Scared?" 

"I didn't know if I was ready for that part of my life. I didn't know if it was a good idea. My mind kept telling me all of these things. I didn't know how you'd feel. I didn't even figure out how I was going to tell you." 

"Why wouldn't it be a good idea?" 

"You know, we're already going through enough, with our busy lives, and with everything going on in our relationship." 

He looked down at her, cocking a brow. She continued talking. "Things just felt distant. I didn't really know what to think. I didn't know that meant..." 

"I'm sorry. Really, I am. I'm glad I found out before you told me, because then I probably wouldn't have known at all." 

"That's so scary to me. I don't know how I would've managed raising this baby without you. I don't know what I would've done." She said, beginning to tear up. 

"I'm so sorry for almost doing that to you. I don't know what came over me. I just figured that it would be best, at the time my mind was clouded with fucking thoughts like that." 

"It wouldn't be best. It never would be. The best, is what we're doing right now. Us, together. Finally starting to raise a family, and getting settled." 

"You know, I made some calls today. Found some people I could talk to. Maybe it could get my mind off things, and help me finally move on." 

"I think that's great. I'm glad, do whatever you feel is best for you. It's all I want, trust me." 

"Before the baby gets here... I just want to at least be somewhat better." 

"You will be, I'm sure of it. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. I know it'll be alright." Her eyes fluttered closed, and in seconds she was asleep. 

He smiled, sitting there a few seconds, running a hand through her hair. Then, he moved her head softly back onto her pillow. She was out cold, alright. 

He smiled once more at her before leaving the room, allowing her to rest. 

XX 

Ally had about had enough. 

She had only checked her phone for only a few seconds, when she saw yet another one of Rez's stories had surfaced. 

This one wasn't so much a story, it was more of a comment. 

When asked about Ally, Rez made a comment about how she had "run off with the addict" again, and how she was probably babysitting and wiping the vomit off of his chin at this very moment.

There were some other nasty things said, about how Jackson never really cared about her, because if he did, he wouldn't put her through this. And that he would do the same to the kid that they were going to be having. 

She could practically feel her blood boil. How dare he? It was enough just to talk about them both and make his nasty, petty little comments, but how dare he do something like this? How dare he talk about their relationship, as if he knew. And their child. 

Normally, she kept quiet. But this was it. She should've seen this one coming. 

She went to dial his number, beyond pissed. The hormones racing throughout her body weren't helping, either. 

He didn't pick up. So she decided that leaving a message would suffice. 

"Listen. You can talk about me all day, and make up things that aren't true, but there is no need to make comments about my relationship and be a disrespectful asshole because you didn't get your way. It's childish. If I felt Jackson didn't care about me, I wouldn't be with him. There was no need to go behind my back, and talk about things I never gave you the right to. It's not your place. I know we're not on good terms, but that doesn't matter. I haven't said a single bad word about you. Not one. You have no fucking right to say anything about me, about Jackson, about our marriage, and about our child. Fuck you." 

She sighed, shutting her phone back off again. She couldn't deal with this shit today. 

She got up. Jackson was probably in the kitchen, or outside with Charlie. 

Sure enough, it was the latter. He was just walking back inside when he saw her. 

"You okay?" He asked. He knew her so well, he could tell she was pissed off. 

"I'm livid. Rez is making more comments, it's all so fucking childish at this point." She shook her head in disgust. 

"Just ignore it. It ain't worth your time." 

"I say it was this time. He made comments about you, and about our child. About how you didn't love me, and how our child was going to have to go through shit because of you. It's not his place to say shit like that. I left him an angry message, I don't care if reveals it to the world. I'm pissed at him. He's like a child that didn't get his way. Fucking moronic." She was pissed. So pissed. 

"His words sort of got to me before when he first said them, but now, I know he's just saying it to fuck with us. With me." 

"I'm already stressed as it is with this pregnancy and everything, with this added on, I feel like I'm going to explode. I can't believe this." 

"It'll be alright. You said what you wanted to say to him. After that, there's nothing more to say to him." 

"You're right. Maybe I'm just even more angry because of the hormones. I don't know. But that really didn't sit with me well." She walked over to one of the cupboards, opening them. "Pancakes sound good? I could use some right now." 

"I'll make them for you." He said, rushing over to the grab the box. 

"You know what, I won't even argue. Don't forget the chocolate chips." She gave him a smirk before heading back to the bedroom. 

XX 

Ally was beginning to show more and more as the time passed. 

The bump was barely visible at first, Jackson had to really look to see it.

It still wasn't huge, Ally was a small girl so she probably wasn't going to get all that big after all, but the bump was still very obviously there. 

Jackson would spend what felt like hours feeling it, resting his hand on it, not believing that this was real. It even caused him to tear up on more than one occasion. 

Ally would put her hand over his and they would sit, just like that, for long periods of time. 

He felt nothing but love, nothing but pure bliss in these moments. Sure, everything wasn't always perfect, but he felt that maybe he and Ally finally reached the light at the end of the tunnel. 

There were some issues that still had to be worked on, things that they both needed to figure out and get fixed up, but things were certainly looking up. This had to be a sign of life finally settling down. 

One night, he could've sworn he felt movement. 

"I felt the baby move, I'm telling you." 

"You're crazy. I didn't feel anything, Jackson. I'm the one carrying this child, you know." 

He laughed. She felt herself smile. His laugh was always a pleasant sound to hear. 

Their next appointment was supposedly going to be the one where their baby's gender was finally revealed. 

Ally's pregnancy wasn't easy by any means, and there was still a lot of it to go, but time was sort of flying. She couldn't believe it. 

All she did was relax, and eat, she felt. Jackson didn't mind at all, actually he made sure that she was on her feet as little as possible. He would make her whatever she was craving, even go out and get food if there was something she wanted that they didn't currently have. 

Ally was a bit skeptical about sending him out after what had happened before, but he promised her that he wouldn't let it happen again, and that he'd call her if the urge hit, so that she could help calm him down if needed. 

Jackson's first session with hisnew tharpist was a day after Ally's appointment, and both he and Ally were happy about it. He wanted more than anything to never have to go back to his old ways, the ways that nearly killed him several times before. 

Ally still had quite a bit of anxiety about where her life was going after this. Now that she had no manager, what was she going to do? 

She had brought this up to Jackson, her husband always found a way to coax her and make her feel better about things. 

He mentioned that she could always be her own manager, and not have to deal with another person making decisions for her. She could do what was best for her career, and let the be that. 

It was a good idea, but one that made her even more scared, nonetheless. With Rez making most of her decisions and taking care of what she did, it wasn't that difficult at all. But that job was a lot of work. She would think about it, though. She would have to. It was one of the few options that she had, and one that made sense. 

"What if you were my manager, Jack?" She asked him once, and immediately he shook his head. 

"I don't think that's a good idea. It's never really good to mix personal relationships and business. With us being married and all, I can imagine that it can cause problems. I just want what's best for you, and I don't think that this is." He knew how difficult it was to manage a career, and much as he did want to help his wife, he knew it would cause some issues down the road. He didn't want to cause any sorts of problems for her. He could help her, give her advice, but becoming her actual manager wasn't something he felt that he was fit to do.

She shrugged. "If you say so. I guess we'll figure it all out when the time comes." Truth was, she was scared that she wouldn't be able to do good for herself. She had always been insecure, both with herself and the decisions she made, so it wasn't really going to be easy to be her own manager. But that was what it might come down to. 

"Don't stress yourself out too much." He told her, smiling warmly. "The time will come when you need to worry about all of that. But that's not now." 

She was glad to have him around. He always knew how to make her insecurities fade and feel silly. She didn't know what she would ever do without him. 

XX 

Rez seemed to have stopped talking about Ally. He never replied to her angry message, but she was almost positive that he had heard it. After all, why else would he just stop talking about her. 

It was relieving, if she was being honest. He didn't apologize for anything that he said, didn't take any of it back, but Ally wouldn't push the issue further. 

Her old manager was now just a thing of the past. She wished more than anything that things could've been different, that he hadn't opened his mouth and said those things to Jackson. But things weren't different, and that was just the harsh reality. 

Of course, she should've figured that being a well known and renowed music artist wouldn't be easy. She was silly to ever think that anything would be easy for her once she started down the road to fame. 

Everything was all too perfect at first. Jackson Maine, giving her a way to let people hear her voice and real music. Rez finding her and deciding that he would love to manage her. She was silly to think that things would just remain as easy as that. 

She wished that things didn't have to be so bad for Jackson. But he had been dealing with these issues long before she met him, and she had seen the worst of it. 

She felt lucky to still have Jackson, despite all that went on. There were a few times when she wondered why she stayed and put up with this, but then she realized that she really did love the man. She wanted to see him get better, and it was obvious that was what he wanted as well. And he loved her back, and just wanted the best for her as well. 

Sure, things changed and were much different than they were before. But, she still had the things that meant the most to her. Like Jackson, like Charlie, like the house and baby that was on the way. They were what mattered. 

XX 

"Final predictions. You think it's gonna be a boy or girl?" Ally asked in the passenger's seat, giggling. 

"I have no idea, honestly. How about you?" Jackson asked as he pulled out of the driveway. 

"I feel like it's going to be a girl. You know how they say you can feel it? It's just what my gut is telling me." 

"I guess we'll know if your gut is reliable once we get there." He chuckled, glancing over at her. He never really knew what pregnancy "glow" was, but how Ally looked right now, that had to be it. She was just radiant. 

"I guess so. Then, we need to get some stuff. We're so unprepared!" 

"It's not like the baby's coming tomorrow, we have time." 

"We do, but not much. You saw how all of this time flew. You know, times like these, I wish I had friends so that I could throw a baby shower and get that good homemade stuff."

"You have Ramon."

"Yeah, but that's one person. He already said that he's getting us something nice once we're done here and find out if it's a boy or girl." 

"Hey, at least that'll be one thing. I'm sure Bobby and your dad will get us stuff too. We'll be covered." 

"We know nothing about this. We're going into raising a child, blind." 

"We raised Charlie. You think Charlie wasn't good practice?" He joked. 

"Oh my god." She said. "What if Charlie doesn't like kids? Some dogs don't." 

"Look I don't get why you're doing this right now-" 

"He's sweet, but if animals see one thing they don't like, that can be it. They'd better get along." 

"You're getting ahead of yourself. Breathe." 

He was right. She was freaking out about everything right about now. 

"Sorry. The hormones." 

That seemed to be her favorite phrase as of late. 

XX

As it turns out, Ally's instincts were right. She and Jackson were going to be having a little girl. They were both estatic about this fact, Jackson especially. Part of him was scared senseless, but the bigger part of him was happier than anything. So, he was able to push his fear aside for the time being. 

"We need to start looking at names." Ally said on the drive home. 

"We do. You know, I was thinking, and I think I'm gonna build the baby's crib. Like, from scratch. I've never done something like that, but... I can try." 

"I think that would be sweet. It would mean a lot to me, and to her." She looked down, smiling. 

"I'll look into it." He said. At this very moment, there was nothing else that mattered. He and Ally were having a daughter.


	7. 7.

A/N: double update! Go read the chapter before this one if you haven't yet! 

Also, slight trigger warning for mentions of suicide, alcoholism, and drug use. 

XX 

"Don't tell me I'm too far gone." 

-Bradley Cooper, "Too Far Gone" 

XX 

"You mentioned that you tried to take your own life. Was that your first time trying?" 

Much as Jackson hated reliving that day, as much as he wished that he could go back in time and change it, he couldn't. 

He looked up and locked eyes with the man in front of him. David Whitfield. Specializes in self injury, suicide and suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, and addiction. He had seen many famous people in his day, he was regarded as one of those "best of the best" types. So, Jackson had decided to see him, and see how things went. If the best could help him, he would gladly go for it. 

"It was. It was the first time I actually tried it." Jackson answered him. 

"First time you tried it. So, you've thought about it before I'm assuming." Whitfield scribbled something down. 

"I have. Plenty of fucking times. But that night, I was sure I was going to end it all." Many times he came to the conclusion that his life wasn't worth it, before even meeting Ally as well. There were days when everything felt mundane, where it felt as though everyone gave up on him. He always wondered why not? But he had never actually acted upon those thoughts. Partly because he figured it would happen soon enough anyways, and partly because he rarely even had the energy to even do that. 

"What drove you to that point? Do you know what made you snap?" 

"Everything piling on. I just finally... broke." 

"What's everything?" 

"My wife, Ally's, I'm sure you've heard of her, her manager said some things that made me think about what I was doing with myself. At that point, I was better than I was, but I still fucked up in the past. People still thought about what I did when my name was mentioned." 

The man nodded. "This manager, what did he say to you?" 

Jackson really didn't want to think about that, but supposed he had to, to help himself get over it. That's what he was here for. "That I ain't nothing but a burden to Ally, essentially. That all she ever did was clean up my messes. And that even she knew this, and would never admit it to me." 

"So, you obviously believed these words to be truth. Why?" 

"Because, they were. I'd made so many mistakes, I'd embarrassed her so much. It's part of the reason I even went to rehab after all of these years." It was true. Ally wasn't the sole reason he decided to get better, but she was a huge part of it. Without her, he probably would've never even gone to rehab. He had suffered all of those years before her, Bobby had tried to get him to go, and he never was able to. Ally was the push that he needed, whether he wanted to admit it or not. She helped him realize the extent of his problem. That he needed to get better. There was nothing wrong with a little push in the right direction. He owed a lot to her. 

"He was likely being defensive because he does control her career and makes sure her image stays shiny. Although, it was a still wrong of him to bring it up to you like that. It obviously triggered you to act on something you never would've, if he never said it, right?" 

"Right. I thought about what he said... and thought maybe Ally was better off without me. And Bobby. He was the one who cleaned up my messes before Ally. They would all be so much happier, I thought. All of 'em." 

"What stopped you?" Another scribble on the clipboard. Jackson wished he could see what the man was writing, it was about HIM after all. 

"Just as I was about to do it, I saw a positive pregnancy test in the trash. At first, that made me want things to be over even fucking quicker. But, then I remembered my own family, and how I couldn't do that to her. It made me come to my senses, I guess." 

He nodded. "You also mentioned earlier about a recent relapse. Tell me about that." 

"I wouldn't really call it a relapse I... it was more of a hiccup. I don't know what it was, it just... happened." He felt himself shiver at the memory. It was yet another lowpoint that he wished to forget, more than anything. 

"What were you doing just before it happened?" 

"I was at the store. Just to grab some stuff for the house." 

"And what do you think made you want to turn to alcohol? What were you thinking about before it happened?" 

"Ally and I had an argument before I left. Well, not even. In a way it was. I just don't want her to ever feel like she's obligated to care for me, ya know? And at the store, my mind just convinced me that I was the root of her problems, just like it did on the night that I almost.. you know. It was all just a blur. It should've never happened." 

"Did Ally know? How did she react?" 

"Her and my brother, they found me. My brother was livid, just as he was the last time he found me in a bad state. Ally, she helped clean me up and everything. I didn't deserve it." 

"She obviously cares about you a lot. And you obviously feel the same way about her. But, it seems that her and your relationship with her is he root of most of the things going on in your mind. Do you feel that it would be better if you were apart from her? Even for a bit?" 

Jackson stared at the man for a few seconds. Why in the hell would he suggest that? He got where the man was coming from, but it wasn't Ally's fault, not in the slightest. It was his disease. "No, I don't think so. I lived alone all of that time before, and was even worse than I was now. She keeps me grounded." 

"I'm not saying you need to go to marriage counseling, it just sounds like something pretty serious. And you don't want to be relying on her either. Have you talked to her about these thoughts?" 

"I don't. She just gave me a push in the right direction. And, of course. She's assured me that it wasn't true, not in the slightest. It was just that the conversation that we had sort of made the old thoughts resurface." 

"I would certainly have another discussion with her. About your triggers. About whatever conversations you feel like shouldn't be had, what things shouldn't be mentioned. I know I said before that maybe she was the root of all of this, but the more you talk, I think it's more so your love for her, not Ally herself, you know what I'm saying?" 

"Yeah, I get what you're sayin'. And I think you're right." 

"We also need to find a distraction, in case you ever get the urge to do anything bad to yourself again. Have you thought about drinking since your last re-, Erm, hiccup?" 

"No. Not since." 

"Well, just in case, it's always best to formulate a plan. Just so you don't have to end up in rehab again, or staying somewhere. What do you think would help distract you in a situation like that?" 

"Piano, guitar, all of that. I went to the store recently, and Ally made me promise to call her in case I felt like doing anything." 

"That's good. I'm glad she's willing to take part in your recovery, rather than fuel a relapse. That was why I mentioned her being the problem at first. Relationships and addiction can be hard." 

Jackson nodded. "They always are." His relationship with Ally wasn't always perfect, but was any relationship really? It was especially hard for the two of them though, because of what Jackson went through. But, that didn't mean that they couldn't push through, and become even stronger as a result. Because they can. And they would. They already were making their way there. When Jackson was fresh out of rehab, things were better than they had ever been. Things were still good, but there were things to be worked on to get back to that point, and they would hopefully be there soon. 

"Your best bet right now is just to take things simple and slow. Talk to your wife, make sure she knows exactly what's best to help you. Make sure you're not being dependent on her, but she still has to find ways to help you best, since she's such a big part of your life. And come up with a plan to help yourself in case you ever get urges. Next time, I want to hear about all of those things." 

"Alright, you will." Jackson said, getting up. "Thank you for your time." 

"Thank you for being honest. Most people come in here and aren't so upfront about what they're going through, like you were." 

"I want to get better. I want to feel like I did right when I left rehab." 

"I have no doubt that you will." 

Jackson hoped that was true. 

XX 

"Charlie! You're gonna have a sister! Isn't that cool? You better be nice to her." Ally said, petting the dog on the head, moving behind his ears to reach the spot that he really liked. 

He gave a lick of satisfaction, and Ally stood up. She was about to call Ramon and Lorenzo to tell them the news, that she and Jackson were having a girl. She wanted to call Bobby as well, but she imagined that Jackson would want to be around for that, so she would wait until he got home. 

She dialed Ramon's number, and he picked up after only two rings. 

"Hey bitch!" He said, and she couldn't help but laugh. 

"Guess what?" 

"What? You know I can't guess for shit." 

"Jackson and I are having a girl!" 

Ramon couldn't help but let out a squeal of excitement. "Holy shit! I'm so happy for y'all!" 

"Thank you. I'm so excited. So is Jack. He wanted a little girl all along." 

"Have y'all thought of a name yet?" 

"No, that's the thing. We have no idea." 

"Girl, I got you! You need something that'll sound cute. Maine.... Maine... Madison. Madison Maine. Maddie for short." 

"That's adorable, oh my god." 

"Isn't it? Anything with an M would sound good I feel. Maggie. Macie. I don't know. There's lots." 

"I love Maddie. I think Jack will too, I'll ask when he gets home." 

"Where is he?" 

"He started seeing a new therapist. He had a pretty bad incident awhile ago and wanted to be sure it was never happening again. I'm proud of him." 

"That's good! Hopefully it all works out, I'm sure it will. You both deserve the best, really." 

"Aw, Ramon, it might be the harmones, but I'm actually going to cry. You need to come here and see us again. I miss you!" 

"I'll be there soon. Like I told you before, I'm bringing you something. For the baby." 

"I'm sure little Maddie is gonna love it." 

"So, you're set on that name, huh?" He laughed. "Good luck to Jackson if he has any other ideas." 

XX 

Lorenzo shared the same excitement that Ramon had, and for that, Ally was even more excited. She was glad that they were just happy as she was. 

Lorenzo has insisted on seeing her soon as well, and she agreed. Maybe she have a mini baby shower with her father, Ramon, and Bobby. She would bring it up to Jackson later. 

She was nervous, she wouldn't deny that, but now, she was getting more and more excited as each day passed. Soon, she was going to be meeting a new little person. 

Just as she had hung up with her father, Jackson walked in. Immediately, Charlie ran over to the door, barking like crazy. Once he realized it was Jackson, the barks turned into whimpers for attention. 

"Hey, honey." Ally said, running over and hugging him. 

"Careful, don't wanna crush the baby." He joked, and in return she gave him a playful slap. 

"Don't say that! How was it?" She asked, referring of course to his therapy. 

"It was good. I already have a list of things we need to do, part of it involves you and I talking. But we can work on that. I have a week. How was everything here?" 

"I called Ramon and my father, let them know that it's a girl. I figured we could call Bobby when you were here."

"What'd they say?" 

"They're excited, of course they are. I have a question." 

"What?" 

She smiled. "Madison Maine. Maddie for short. Adorable, right?" 

"It is. Is that the name you decided on?" 

"I mean, it's one of the options. If you like it, of course. Ramon and I were discussing it. Anything with an M would be cute, because it goes well with Maine." 

"Hm. True. Michele is a good name too. Missy for short." 

"Missy? That is cute, now that you mention it. Sounds like a cute little cowgirl." 

"Hey, what can I say. Learned from the best." 

She smiled and giggled. "I guess we have time to decide. I like them both." 

"Me too." 

"So, what do you have to do? Like, what do we need to talk about?" 

"How about we talk about it over dinner? I'm starving." 

"Yeah, sure. And I already know you want to make it, I won't even argue." She joked, smirking. 

"Good that you know." He said, shooting a smirk back. 

XX 

Jackson didn't really ever cook much in his life, during Ally's pregnancy was the most that he had ever done it. He actually liked it, a lot more than he originally thought. 

He didn't seemed to be too bad at it, either. He was learning more tips and tricks along the way. It was very calming as well. He would definitely bring this up his next therapy session. 

Once dinner was in front of he and Ally, he poured their drinks. 

"I could've done that, Jack." 

"I'm givin' you the full treatment. You deserve it." He told her. 

She felt herself blush. "So." She said, picking up her fork. "What do we need to talk about? You don't have to tell me about everything you have to do, because it's personal, but you just said we needed to talk." 

"Yeah, he told me today that we needed to have a talk about certain things, just to make sure I don't have another episode." 

"Like what?" 

"He said I needed to look at my triggers, and make sure I tell you." 

"Triggers?" 

"Yeah, things that send me to a bad place." He already hated this conversation. 

"So, what are they?" 

"You remember that conversation we had the night that it happened? All of that stuff, I guess. And mentions of what happened in the garage." Jackson turned away. "Those things... they just remind me of what I've done and almost done to you." 

"Okay, okay. I won't bring any of those things up ever again. I know it's not your fault, Jack. It's not you. Are you okay right now?" She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear, and reached out across the table, running her hands over his. 

"I'm fine. It's just embarassin' to be doing this. Makes me feel..." He started, and she knew exactly where he was going with this. It just made her squeeze his hands harder. 

"You're not. Everybody has things that upset them. And I want to know what I can do to help you get through this. Trust me. I don't think you're weak at all." She felt her heart physically hurting, seeing him like this. Why did such a good man like him have to deal with these awful things? 

"I just don't like thinkin' about it. How I almost did that to you." 

"But you didn't. That's what matters." 

"I know. He also said I needed not to be dependent on you. I think I'm pretty good on that front. I know you know that you're not obligated to do shit for me." 

"I know, Jack. I wouldn't be here, helping you, if I didn't want to. If I thought it was bad for you. You remember at rehab, when I asked you about coming home? That was why. I didn't want you to have to anything you didn't want. Do you think that what's happening right now is okay? Like, are you okay with all of this?" Her heart began to beat, insecurity flooding her mind. She didn't want to be bad for him, all she wanted was for him to be happy. She'd do anything to make sure of that. 

"Of course I am. I could never get rid of you. I love ya too damn much. Plus, you've done nothing but help. Of course, we've had our problems, but all couples do. It's life." 

"I know. We got out of them, that's what matters. And we'll make it out of this too." 

"I know we will. He also told me to come up with some distractions, that I could use when I feel an episode coming on. I was thinking like music, now I like cooking, calling you if I'm in public, there's lots of things." 

"You're right. And, you said you wanted to build that crib. That would be helpful, wouldn't it?" 

"Yea, it will be. Thank you Ally, for everything." 

"There's no need to thank me, Jack. I love you." 

"I love you too. Always." 

That night, Jackson went to bed with a clear head, something he hadn't felt in a long time. There were no awful thoughts, no sadness or doubt in his mind. 

Today had been good. Much as he loved Ally and talking to her about things, talking to someone else felt so damn relieving as well. It has helped a lot, and it had only been one session. 

He fell asleep with a smile on his face, his wife close to him. 

XX 

A/N: hey! I lost internet for a few days, these chapters were supposed to be posted DAYS ago but I had no way. Sigh. As I'm typing this, I still won't have it for another day! But hey, I guess it's good because y'all got a double update out of it haha. Bless google docs and how it lets users edit and write offline. 

Thanks again for all of the support on this, it means a lot. I love each and every single one of you reading!! 

I'm going to start making the playlist for this story, with the songs within the chapters as well as others that I feel for the story, as well as Ally and Jackson in general! My SoundCloud is prcttyoddwattpad , Spotify was being an asshat and wouldn't let me share playlists and make them public, so I just made them all there! Keep an eye out. 

I'll also hopefully be updating my ASIB AU soon! I know a lot of people were excited for it, sorry for the wait haha. I also have 3 other AUs for Ally and Jackson in my drafts, I'm currently resisting the urge to post as we speak. 

Anyways, I'll stop ranting. Thanks for reading, love you all! Stay beautiful, losers!


	8. 8.

"Cause if this is the life, then who'd argue?"   
-Two Door Cinema Club, "This Is The Life" 

XX

The next few days for Ally and Jackson were a bit mundane, but they couldn't say that they hated it. Sure, things were starting to move in a sluggish sort of way, and routines were starting to form, but they didn't mind. They deserved to slow down a little bit. 

Ally hadn't really lived a routine sort of life since living with her father, ever since then things had been quite sporadic. Before Jackson, life was much different. Go to work, maybe go out with Ramon for some time, and then head home; cleaning and helping out with other work around the house with her father. 

With Jackson, life took her to places that she never expected. Things began to move fast, so fast that she felt like she would end up with whiplash. It wasn't a bad thing, though. She had always loved being with Jackson, even when things got difficult. She loved him so much, she didn't know what things would be like if she had never met him. But, their lifestyles were very different, and once things started to taking off with her music as well, she realized that this was how things were now. And she hadn't been able to look back since. 

Jackson had always been one to live a sporadic and crazy life, it was what he knew. The calmest he had been was marrying Ally and settling down, but even then, things got eventful at times. 

After rehab, they both were expecting things to not be that wild anymore. With Jackson's addictions worked on, they could finally start to maybe think about other things. But obviously, that wasn't the case. 

But now, with Jackson going to therapy and with Ally being pregnant, things took on a melancholy sort of routine, one that they both were far from used to at this point. 

Jackson liked this, he quickly came to realize. Sure, he wouldn't change anything from the past because it made him who he was, he just wished that this could've happened sooner. That Ally didn't have to put up with his nonsense for so long. He knew she would hate him thinking like that. But, it was true to him. 

She loved their life as it was right now as well. It was good to see Jackson bettering himself, and coming home so happy and full of life. She missed that side of him. It made her upset to see the side that blamed himself, and the one that thought she was better off without him. 

He would come home excited to tell her about how his sessions went, and how good it felt to be talking to someone and finally getting himself back in track. 

He no longer apologized for "being the worst", he no longer told her how much better she would be if he wasn't around. He didn't blame himself for anything anymore, which was good. His addictions weren't his fault, things that happened as a result weren't his fault. 

But, there were things that he still wished he hadn't done or said. 

"I... didn't mean to do that before." He told her one day as they were eating dinner together. 

"Do what before? What are you talking about?" She asked him, looking up to meet his eye. 

"You know, constantly tryin' to make you pity me. Always sayin' that I'm the worst. My therapist told me today that it wasn't a good thing to constantly be doin'. That it was partially my insecurity, but also me needing reassurance just to make sure you wouldn't leave. I don't wanna guilt you, or make you feel like you have to stay with me. Ever. So, I'm just tellin' you. I didn't mean it in that way, and I would never do that to you." 

"I know you didn't mean it as a way to force me to stay. Trust me, if I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be. You know what. I've told you that." 

"I know you wouldn't be. Listen, I love you a whole lot, okay?" 

She smiled warmly at him. "I love you a whole lot, too." 

They had both giggled, a sound that rang through their ears, a sound that they wished they could play forever, over and over again like a beautiful song. One that they didn't want to forget. 

XX 

"You okay?" Ally heard Jackson ask her. He knew her so well, he knew that something was up, even when she wasn't facing him. 

It wasn't that she didn't want him to know that she was currently stressing and thinking about things, it was just that she didn't want to lay stress into him. But she couldn't help but think, it was all she could do at this time. Sure, things were calm and nice, but there was so much more to be questioned. The future was a very scary thing. 

"I'm okay. I was just thinking about some things." She replied softly, turning so that she was laying on her back. 

"Like what?" He asked, inching a bit closer. 

She turned to look at him briefly. The room was dark, it was late at night, they both were having trouble sleeping for some odd reason that neither of them could put a finger on. 

"I was thinking, what if you became my manager Jack? Like, you obviously know me and would know what's best. It would be easier, wouldn't it? For both of us." 

Jackson waited a few moments before answering. "I guess it's a good idea, I just... I don't think it'll work."

She turned to face him again. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean, everybody always says not to mix personal relationships and business. Yes, I do want the best for you. But I don't know if that's it. I can barely manage my own career." 

"That's just it. Once the baby comes, we can try and get things back in order, you know what I mean? I know you don't just want to give up on it all." 

"I don't. Not at all. I've been thinking about some stuff I wanna write, that's why I've been at the piano so much." 

"Fill me in." 

Jackson was sort of relieved that the topic had strayed from the manager thing. Ally was right,it was something to think about. And he wasn't one hundred percent opposed to the idea. But, it was something they would have to work out after their baby was born. "Hm, maybe when the ideas are more final." 

"I'm your wife, I should get the first peek." She joked, fake pouting. 

"You will. Once it's more finished. They're only ideas, I haven't even really written much yet. But, I can give you one hint. I've been thinking, I'm gonna write a song about our daughter. Our daughter actually inspired me to want to even write again." 

"Aw, that's sweet." 

"I've hit a wall, but I'm slowly starting to get back into the groove of things. Bein' able to hear myself, the baby, you, it's all helped." 

"You said you wanted to start building the crib and getting the nursery together, right? I think we should go and see what we can get so far. Now that we know it's a girl, we can get girly things to decorate." 

"For sure. I wonder what my parents would think about all of this." He said, more to himself then to her, but she still heard it nonetheless. 

"About the baby?" 

"About it all. I think about it a lot. I know that nobody would ever be proud of an alcoholic and a drug addict, but I'm fighting it. And I made out pretty well. I've got you, a dog, and a baby on the way. All despite what happened in the past." 

"The past is the past, Jack. Like you said, you're fighting it. It could've ended much differently and I'm glad that it didn't. That's why I was so scared when we found you in the car, I didn't want you to have to deal with that again. It nearly took everything away from you the first time. You couldn't even hear your own music. Everybody thinks that I'm burdened because of you, but I really could've left any second. It wasn't like you were... holding me against my will. I just loved you too much to do that to you." 

"I'm glad it didn't end up that way either. I always thought I would end up like my dad. Bobby even said it. That if I kept it up, you would end up just like our mother did. That night in the garage, I thought about that too. That I was going to be doing that to you." 

"That's why we need to be better parents for our baby. Experiences like that, you learn from them. We need to give her all of the love in the world." 

"I plan to. I can't have her ever feeling like I did. I could never do that to anybody. Especially not my own child. That's why I'm trying to get completely better before she gets here." 

"You will be. You're already doing great. You're so much happier now. I can see it. Talking to somebody has really been helping." 

"It has. Now, we'd better some sleep if we're gonna shop tomorrow, don't ya think?" He told her with a chuckle. 

"Yeah, I agree. I'm already exhausted tomorrow." She moves over towards him, wrapping her arms around him and burying her head into his chest. 

XX 

"Damn it!" Ally heard Jackson exclaim, and she was immediately running in to check on him. 

He was in the nursery (that wasn't even close to being a nursery yet), trying to piece together the crib that they had gotten. They had also gotten a few more things, but they were going to worry about one thing at a time. 

The shopping made Ally acutely aware of how real this all was. She was going to actually be a mom. When she was younger, she had never really seen this in her future. Even when she first married Jackson, she never really envisioned a child in their future. They were both too busy, it never really came up. And with Jackson struggling and trying to get better, it wasn't the best idea. 

"You better start watching your language. Soon enough, she's going to have ears and will be able to hear you." She said, crouching down slowly to pick up the instruction manual. 

"You don't have to help me. I'll be fine." Jackson said with a sigh. "It said that this piece-"

"Should be over there." Ally interjected, pointing to the complete opposite side of the damn thing. 

Jackson huffed, and took a breath to cool down. "Don't they think that this is a little too complicated?" 

"I guess not. The more pieces the merrier, apparently." 

"Must be fuckin' cheaper for them to make or something. Oh, shit!" He exclaimed as everything that he had done so far fell apart. 

"Did we get one that was too cheap? I knew we should've gotten that other one."

"No, I've just never built a crib before. It's nothing wrong with it. I just don't know what the hell I'm doing." 

"Hey, I'm sure you'll get there." She giggled. "You have to, right. This is hilarious. You, struggling to build a crib." 

"It's more difficult than it looks. I don't appreciate you laughing at my struggles like this." He replied sarcastically. 

"That one hit a nerve. You look like you could use a glass of water, you want one?" 

"Yeah, that'll be fine hun. Thanks." He smiled at her, as she got up and trudged into the kitchen to get it for him. 

She leaned down to pet Charlie. "Hey, boy." She told him, petting him. "There's gonna be another person in this house pretty soon, you're not gonna be the only baby." 

The dog panted in response, walking towards her and licking her face. 

She pet him once more before retrieving the glass of water and bringing it to her husband, who was actually making some progress. 

"Maybe this wasn't as bad as I thought. I think I was overreacting." He said, taking a sip from the glass. "Don't worry Missy. You're going to have a crib by the time you're born, after all." 

Ally laughed. "You mean Maddie?" 

"Maddie, Missy. I don't know. They're both cute, don't you think?" 

"I do. I was kidding, Jack. Deciding a name is going to be the hardest part. But we'll get there. Eventually." 

"We have time. Don't stress about it." He told her, and he meant it. He didn't need her stressing over things that didn't matter at the moment, she seemed to be doing that a lot lately. She couldn't be thinking so negatively during this time. He didn't want her to. He wanted her to be as happy as possibly. 

"You need any help?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"I don't. I'll be fine. Go relax. Are you hungry? I can take a break and make you something." 

"You don't have to do that. I feel a little sick right now anyways. Maybe later." 

"Alright. Go relax then." 

"Is that an order?" 

"It's an order, Mrs. Maine." 

"And what if I don't comply?" 

He got to his feet instantly, and walked over to her, lifting her off her feet. "I'll take you to the bed personally." 

Ally squealed, waving her legs frantically. "Jack!" She exclaimed. 

The two burst into laughter. This moment felt nostalgic, reminding them bother of the moments when they had first fallen in love with each other. 

He couldn't help but lean down to kiss her gently, carrying her to the bedroom. 

"You only get up to go to the bathroom or get things, you hear me? You were on your feet enough today. That is an order." He told her, unable to keep a straight face. 

"Yes, sir." She replied, laughing again. There was no place that she would rather be, than right here and right now. 

XX 

A/N: I'm so sorry for the long wait for an update!! I've been lacking in inspiration, life has been stressing me to the max, and writing was the last thing on my mind. I was also at a point where I hated my writing and had a breakdown over it, so I had to take a step back for a few days. But I'm back now, and hoping to get back on track. (But no promises, ya girl is a college student now). 

Anyway, enough about me. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I decided to give y'all some fluff, ah I almost forgot how much I loved these two. I need to rewatch the movie really soon, I miss them! 

Also, this is going to be that much longer. A few more chapters. This was only supposed to be a one shot, but I decided when I was pre writing that I would split it up. Now, this rewritten ending has spawned into something so much more. But it sadly will be coming to a close soon. *sad finger guns* 

Thanks again for all of the support. This story has received so much love. All of the views, the comments, even just the kudos and votes. I love you all so much, thanks for the continued support! 

(My author's notes are far too long haha)


	9. 9.

"I've found uh... I found some distractions. I've tried so many things before, but I think I've found some things that work." Jackson said, his eyes adverting to the wall, staring at the blue and white wallpaper of the therapist's office. 

He couldn't bring himself to meet the man's eyes, as odd as it was. It was relieving to talk to someone about his problems, but it could also be quite mortifying. He wished that this wasn't the case, but it was; no matter how helpful being here was for him. 

He knew that in the end, nobody was really going to judge him for what he was going through, at least not the people that mattered. Ally, Bobby(at least somewhat, Bobby still cared about his brother, he was just more harsh about things, Ally was more soft and nurturing for sure). He was just so used to being in the spotlight for most of his life, and also was used to seeing his own blood go through the same exact things, and seeing himself falling into the same habits. He couldn't help but feel some sort of guilt and shame. It was why he was even here, after all. 

Talking to Ally always helped, he was glad to have her, but there were just certain things that you didn't want to say to certain people, because you knew that it would cause more of an issue than actually help anything. He was sure that everyone felt that way. He knew Ally would protest, she would tell him that she would support him no matter what, and he knew that was the case, but it still didn't make him feel any less... embarrassed. He was sure that she felt the same way admitting things to him, especially with how insecure she could be. 

"Ah, that's good. Tell me about them. It's always good to find things to distract your mind from the damaging thoughts that sometimes surface." The man smiled, a genuine and sweet smile. Jackson would admit, he trusted this man, he had been to a few sessions at this point. 

Each session would always build off of the previous one, Jackson would always have to update on his life in some sort of way. His therapist of course always wanted to hear positive things so that he could know that Jackson was at least ATTEMPTING to get better and make his life the best and most fulfilling that he could. 

It quickly became a game of sorts for Jackson, he liked having good things to say about his life. He liked recovering and getting better. He had attempted it many times before, and had failed every single time. But now, he really told himself that this was it. He wasn't going to let himself live under the clutch of all of the problems that plagued his mind. 

"My wife, she's pregnant. We're having a daughter. So, I've been puttin' together the nursery. The crib, some other things like decorations. It's actually really relaxing." 

"Congratulations." 

"Thank you." Jackson felt himself smile, a smile that he actually meant. "I've also been working on a song. I've been at a creative block forever, with everything going on it's been hard. But, I'm starting to write a song. About my daughter. She saved me... I guess that really broke my writer's block. I love her already, and I haven't even met her." 

Jackson felt himself getting emotional and stopped speaking before the tears forming in his eyes went any further. 

He and Ally's daughter, no matter what she was going to be named, was already precious to him. Not that she wouldn't be if she wasn't one of the biggest reasons that he didn't end up taking his life. Of course, he would've loved her regardless. But, that simple act(that she didn't even know she committed) just made her even more special.

He remembered sitting down at the piano, toying with the keys and creating melodies, trying to give himself ideas. He was itching to create, it had been bothering him all day. He had that nagging in the back of his mind, telling him that today he should try and do something. Only problem was, he didn't know exactly what that something was. 

He began to toy with ideas in his head. Maybe this would be something that he would just play for Ally, maybe it would never see the light of day. None of that mattered. He had to actually create something before contemplating all of that, and he hadn't even started on that. 

Then it hit him, his daughter. Sure, he still hasn't met her yet, but it didn't mean he didn't already love her. 

He was never really one for soft, gushy, and lovey-dovey songs by means, not really until he met Ally, and even then, it was way out of his realm and something that he was far from used to. 

What he quickly learned though, is that once an emotion surged through you, once a feeling simply took you over in a way that you never experience before, you couldn't help but unleash it in whatever ways you could. This applied especially to someone who created much like himself, emotion had always been a driving force in his music. Usually the negative, but once things started to pick up at least somewhat, positive ones were mixed in as well. 

He didn't really remember much after that, all he knew was that he felt inspired, and was able to finally create and love what he did again. Being inspired was like a possession of sorts, once it took you over, you didn't want to stop, until your mind was drained. 

It wasn't anything that massive, a few lines and scribbled down ideas, but it was still SOMETHING. He looked down, reading everything he had scrawled down, and smiled. 

"Have you had any bad thoughts lately? Anything dragging you down? You seem to be doing really well, but is there anything that hasn't gone so well that you maybe want to talk about?" 

"If I'm being honest... nothing really. I've been in a pretty clear headspace. No bad thoughts, not like before. Ally... she's stressed about the future, wants me to manage her, I told her I don't know how I feel about that just yet, and it's stressing her out. But, I don't wanna give her false hope either, you know?" 

"I get it. You don't think it's a good idea to manage her?" 

"I don't. I just don't think it would be the best option. I don't know. Don't they always say not to mix business and personal life?" 

"I suppose you're right, it can cause issues very quickly. But, I also suppose you can make it work if you really wanted. I think, correct me if I'm wrong; I really believe that some of your hesitance is coming from a place of insecurity within yourself, that you don't think that you can do good enough by her." 

Jackson paused for a few moments, because that was exactly it. That was always it. "It is. It's always something in the back of my mind." 

"Why do you think that is?" 

"Because I've heard it so many times. She's Ally. Why wouldn't she?" 

"Has she herself ever made you feel this way? Had she ever told you or implied that you're not enough, or any of those things that you fear?" 

"No, of course not. She wouldn't. Even if she thought something like that, she wouldn't say it. But even if she tells me that she never does, I know that there was some point that she thought about it. She had to." 

"Did she ever tell you that?" 

"No." 

"Then why do you think it? You're basing your self worth on others and what they think, rather than what you think. And you're basing what you assume Ally's thoughts of you to be off of that insecurity."

It was sort of hard to shake those sorts of insecurities off, especially when you've been told those things about yourself for so long. You start to believe them. And Jackson did, and also still of course had those lingering thoughts. "I guess I just got told it enough. I fucked up a lot, too much. I'm surprised she stuck with me." 

"Focusing on the what if aspect of things also affects you negatively, as you keep putting yourself in situations that never happened."

"Guess it's just a habit that comes from years and years of fuck ups." Jackson let out a low chuckle. Perhaps his self depreciation wasn't his best trait, but it was long embedded in him now. That was why he was here, after all. To finally break it. 

"You have to realize, the past doesn't define you, of course unless you let it. We all make mistakes. What matters is moving on and growing from them, and not letting them drag you down and define who you are. The media is ruthless and will criticize mistakes forever, but like I've stated before, your self worth can't be based around others. It'll fade from existence if you let it, if you can prove that you've moved on. I can't imagine how it is to be famous and dealing with these things, it makes things magnified. But, you're not any less human because you're famous." 

Jackson gave the words a minute to sink in. He never really thought of things like that, how could he? Whenever somebody referred to him, he was always the drunk. His mistakes were always joked about and mocked. "Was famous. It all dwindled after things got worse and worse. The same thing is sort of going on with Ally too. I'm sure you saw the whole thing with her manager, and he was trying to smear her reputation as well." 

"When she talks to you about this, how do you advise her to go about it? What advice do you give her?" 

"I tell her not to worry about what they say. That's it. There are plenty more people who want to listen to what she has to say, and nobody ever sticks with the same manager forever, so she shouldn't have to worry about him either. He's just trying to make her look bad, he doesn't know our relationship or our lives." 

"You tell her all of that, but why can't you tell it to yourself? It's just as true for you as it is for her." 

Jackson looked down at the ground for a quick second. "I don't know." 

"I know why. And that's what I'm here to help you with. You just have to be willing to get help, and you are, correct?" 

Jackson thought for a moment. "I am. Really, I am." And he meant it. There was a point where he thought getting help made him weak, just like everybody else who had issues at some point or another. 

He wanted to never deal with those issues ever again. 

XX

Ally clutched her stomach, looking up at the ceiling. As the days went by, she was starting to show more and more, and made her more excited but also more nervous. 

It was such an odd thing, having a living thing grow inside of her and move around. 

Feeling the movements was the most strange thing, but it was also beautiful. First time she felt the baby actually move, she felt tears form in her eyes. 

She also felt the same way whenever she saw the sonograms. 

Sure, there was so much beauty in it all, but there was of course also a fear within her, that she wouldn't be good enough. She was just an insecure person, she always had been. When it came to everything. It was one of her vices, she supposed. 

But, those fears were way overpowered by her own excitement. Going shopping for outfits and various other baby things was one of her new favorite hobbies, if she got bored while Jackson was gone she would go on her own, but usually she dragged him along. She knew deep down that he liked it much more than he was letting on. 

She got out of bed, still in her pajama clothes, and let Charlie outside. As she waited for him to go and do his business, she walked over to the piano and sat down. 

She was going to just play whatever came to mind, until she saw a piece of folded paper on the edge. She picked it up, and opened it up. 

She smiled as she read the lines. Jackson's handwriting, of course. She had been expecting a love song or something of that sort, those kinds of things embarrassed him for whatever reason. But instead, she found something so much better. 

He was writing a song about their daughter. 

She smiled to herself. She would definitely bring this up to him once he got home. 

XX 

A/N: not much of this fic left ahh I'm kinda sad but at the same time happy because I love happy Ally and Jack so much, they both deserved so much more :((

Also, big thanks to my girl Claire (prettyprincess45/ROARIN20S) for helping me edit this chapter, I was drunk while writing most of it and it was wayyyy too long and bloated. I ramble enough and go into far too many details as it is, but when drunk I do that x10. Go check her out. She's seriously hilarious and one of the reasons I started writing fanfic in the first place. 

As always, thanks for all of the support. I love you all so much, thanks for reading and being so amazing!


	10. 10.

A/N: sorry that it's been over a month since I updated this! (don't worry I hate myself too) 

I was drowning in that lovely feeling that is being uninspired. But, I've finally climbed over that wall that kept me from not writing and decided to finally finish this story! 

XX 

"I know forever don't exist, but after this life I'll find you in the next."   
-Kesha, "Finding You" 

XX

"I see you're writing things again." Ally said, looking down at the paper she was clutching in her hands, a sparkle in her eye. That same sparkle that she had whenever she was happy or excited about something, it was downright adorable. 

Jackson looked up at her, trying his best to tame the smile that was making its way onto his lips. It didn't work. She always found whatever he was working on, but it wasn't like he was hiding it all that well anyways. 

It was actually a good feeling, having someone to read over the things that were in progress and tell you what they thought. It was odd for him to think, he knew that, but there were many quirks of life he only just discovered being with Ally. 

"Yeah... I started something. It's not much, but I guess I couldn't help but write it down since it was in my head for so long." He smiled up at her. 

She smiled back. "I think it's sweet. You have such a beautiful way with words, I don't think you realize that." 

"Neither do you." He countered. 

"Thank you." She never really knew what to say to compliments, she never really could believe that people would actually give them to her. She always assumed that they were just being nice. Even now, being married to Jackson, she still couldn't believe that HE of all people would breathe in her direction. Childish, she knew, but it was simply how she was. 

She was blushing he noticed, and he stepped towards her and pulled her in for a hug. 

"Don't crush the baby." She joked, even though the hug was soft. He had been especially soft lately, she noticed. 

"Love you both." He whispered, kissing her lightly. 

"We love you too." She said in response, kissing back, smiling into his lips.

XX

Ally felt different. 

She felt much lighter on her feet, she felt as though a weight had been lifted off of her. 

Of course, everything in her life wasn't completely better, but things were starting to take a turn, and she realized this because of how good she felt about things. 

Her pregnancy wasn't making her as sick as it once was, and she wasn't as nervous as she was before. Being sick and anxious wasn't a good combination, she was glad that she was more happy than anything now. 

The nursery was coming together very well, Jackson was spending much of his time in there getting things together. She would often try and help, but he would insist that she didn't have to and that she should just rest inside. 

Jackson had a much different aura about him as well, and that was a good thing. He had much more energy, more than he had really ever had before, which was strange, but also a pleasant surprise. 

Jackson finally felt although he was going the right direction, that for once he was finally pushing himself to a good place. He wanted this. Seeing how good it felt, how happy it also made Ally, it was nothing but rewarding and he'd be lying if he said he didn't enjoy it and wished that he had actually pushed himself sooner. This was no time for what ifs, though. 

He was finally living in the present. 

When originally faced with the proposition, he knew that it would be the better option for him, but he thought it wouldn't be possible. It seemed like something so out of left field for him. 

He had tried to convince everyone else of it too. Even his therapist, even Ally. He was convinced that things would be okay at the least, never great, but not the same bad that they were. He was convinced that there was a grey area, and that he would always remain there. 

He soon realized he didn't have to, and that he simply didn't WANT to. And that was the driving force that pushed him to keep going down this path. 

"How was everything?" Ally would ask everytime he got home. She didn't ever ask for details, for him to tell her everything that was said, she knew that it was personal and she knew that he was allowed his privacy. All she wanted to know was that he was okay and doing better, that was simply it. 

"It was good." He would normally reply with, and each time she would believe him. 

It wasn't that she didn't trust him before, she always had, she just knew that he would always be withholding something. It was mostly because he was embarrassed, but she knew that he knew that she could read him. He couldn't be both drunk and getting better at the same time, she knew that deep down he had the truth lodged in his throat, but wouldn't even dare to admit it because of his own shame. 

Now, it was different. Jack talked about his feelings, both good and bad. They didn't argue as much anymore, of course there was the occasional silly spat that came from the most idiotic of things, but wasn't that just a normal thing for couples regardless? Things finally felt like they were supposed to. 

They didn't have the perfect relationship before, it also wasn't the worst that it could have been. If it was, Ally knew she wouldn't stay. They just had hurdles thrown at them, like any couple. Maybe more than usual, but they still had fought through them, and it made them both feel good, but most of all they felt stronger than ever. 

"You okay?" Ally asked one night over dinner. Her husband seemed miles away, lost in his own world. It happened, but she hoped it was happy thoughts engulfing him rather than dark and poisonous ones. 

"I'm fine." He replied, and he was in fact telling the complete and whole truth. He was just deep into his own mind. 

"What were you thinking about?" 

"What? Ah, nothin'." He paused for a moment. "Just us." 

"Us?" She asked, cocking a brow. 

"Yeah. That's just it. I was thinking about you, about me, and how much we've been through. That's it." He turned away from her, blood rushing into his face. 

She stared at him for a second. "I love you." She said in response. "I always have, and I always will." 

He turned back to face her. "I love you too." 

He had never felt more lucky. 

XX 

Bobby came over to check on the two periodically, just to make sure things were okay. He couldn't be too sure, especially with what had happened in the past. He trusted his brother, but didn't trust the disease he had been dealing with for most of his life. And that was what made him so concerned. 

He was happy to see his brother doing better, and actually happy and full of life. It was something that he hadn't seen in the longest time. 

"I'm glad he met you." He told Ally when Jackson was out of earshot. 

"It wasn't just me. It was him too. He's been doing so good, I'm so proud of him." She replied. 

Bobby and Ally were two completely different people who were universes apart when it came to their personalities. They had completely different thought processes, completely different approaches towards things, completely different ways of speaking, even. But there was one thing that brought them together and that was Jackson and his recovery. They both wanted the best for him, even if they had different ways of showing it. 

"I know. But I've been doing this for years now. I've kept him alive. But that's about fuckin' it. You, you've kept him alive and also helped him actually get better. You gave him the push that he needed." 

Ally didn't know how to reply, so much so that she instead pulled the man into a deep hug, one he stumbled his way into. He wrapped his arm around her in that awkward way that those who weren't used to affection at all did. And he wasn't used to it, not in the least. 

Jackson walked out then. "What's going on with you two?" He joked, chuckling. 

Bobby approached him. "You've got a fuckin' great girl, you know that right?" It was something strange for him to say, but deep down he did appreciate having Ally in his life, as another part of the family. Someone who was so great, and had helped his brother so much. It was something he would be forever greatful for. 

"I've always known that." Jackson responded. "I also have a great brother too. I love both of you. If I'm being honest... you two are all I have right now." 

"For right now, soon enough you'll have someone else." Ally said, walking up to the two of them. She had heard their conversation. They weren't very subtle, or very quiet. "And what about Charlie?" 

"I couldn't forget Charlie, of course not. And little Missy-" 

"Maddie." 

Bobby crinkled his brows as the two burst out into laughter. 

"We didn't quite make an agreement on that yet." Jackson clarified, and Bobby nodded as if he understood, but in reality he had no clue what the hell they were on about. 

He left with a smile on his face. For once, he felt like he likely wouldn't have to return for awhile, that a phone call would actually suffice. 

XX 

"Charlie, down." Ally commanded as the dog jumped down from the bed onto the floor. She pulled out his dog bed that they had gotten, and he jumped inside there and curled up. 

Jackson didn't want Charlie to sleep in the bed until the baby was born, he loved the dog but was convinced that something bad would happen due to how rowdy he was. Ally just let it be and agreed. He was just being extra overprotective, nothing new since she had first gotten pregnant. 

The two got in bed and laid in silence for a few seconds before Ally spoke. 

"I'm not getting as I did at the beginning. It's weird, but I guess it's normal." 

Jackson looked at her. Even in the darkness he could make out every minuscule detail of her face. "That's good. Maybe it's just what happens towards the end. I'm sorry I haven't been coming to all of the appointments. I'll be at the next one." 

She shook her head and moved closer to him. "Don't be sorry, it's okay. Some of it is just pointless anyways. I can tell you it all if you're not there." 

"I'll be there next time." He readirated. 

There was another few seconds of silence before she spoke again. "What are we going to do when she starts dating?" 

"What?" 

"Our daughter." 

"Why would we think about that? She hasn't even been born yet." 

"I know. Lately I've just been thinking about her. She's going to be here soon. I'm trying to imagine what she'll be like." 

"Hopefully more like you than me." 

"Hey, don't say that. You do realize she's going to be parts of both of us, right? You're not going to be able to escape it." 

"Hopefully it doesn't create someone too out of control." 

"With you in her, you never know." 

"See, that's what I'm saying." 

"It's not a bad thing, you're just full of life." 

"And you're more... on the quiet side. Most of the time." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"It's not a bad thing, you just tend to punch people in the mouth when you're done with their shit." 

Ally giggled at the old memory that was making its way back into her mind. It seemed so long ago. "Yeah, I guess I do. Hopefully I won't pass the down." 

"Are you kidding? I hope you do. I hope our little girl punches anybody that decides to mess with her on the playground." 

"Jackson Maine... you're something else." She was trying to seem serious by using his full name, but he could clearly hear her stifling laughter. 

"I'll take that as a compliment." 

XX 

A/N: next chapter is the last one I can't believe it aHHHHHH 

thanks for 2K+ reads, I remember when we just hit 1K! Your love and support for this story is astounding, thank you all so much! love you all!


	11. 11. (!)

A/N: (!)= mature/triggering content. There are mentions of blood in this chapter. 

XX 

Been lookin' for a star-sent sign that I'll be alright,  
Look to the skies,  
I've found a rainbow."   
-Kesha, "Rainbow" 

XX

Jackson sat down at the piano, and immediately he began playing around with the keys. 

He was trying to see what fit best. He had some ideas, but nothing that really stuck. That's what was the bad part about music. You could have a beautiful set of lyrics and no melody that could possibly fit it, and vice versa. 

He wasn't used to making music and not knowing exactly where it was going to go, usually he always had long and detailed ideas as he was writing. But for this, all he had were lyrics. And he loved this song so far, loved what he had. 

It had the usual dark and mysterious Jackson Maine aura about it, but it also had a lot of sweet mixed in, because it was about his daughter after all. 

He hoped he wasn't in a slump and had to start writing all over again. That was usually what happened in times like this. 

He hoped that this wasn't the case here. He didn't care regardless. He was going to find something that fit, even if it killed him. 

Or so he thought. 

His sporadic piano playing was interrupted by a blood curdling scream from none other than his wife. 

He shot up immediately, and went running into the bedroom. Charlie was even following, knowing that something wasn't right. 

"Ally?" He said, running towards the bed where she was laying. 

"Jack, Jack. Oh my god. I don't know what happened. There's blood. Everywhere. Oh my god, there's blood. We need to go to a hospital." She was frantic, tears running down her face. She felt paralyzed and as though she couldn't move. 

Jackson threw back the comforter, and immediately saw what she was talking about. On the sheets was a huge spot of blood that was spreading across the entire bed by the second. His eyes widened, and his heart rate immediately accelerated. 

"Can you walk?" He asked her, and she nodded. 

"I don't know if I can. I don't know." She told him in between sobs. She was terrified. 

He lifted her up and set her down on her two feet. She wobbled a bit, clutching onto him. 

"Are you still bleeding? I think I'm going to call an ambulance." He didn't know if she could make it to the car. 

"Let's just go. I don't want to wait." 

"I'll carry you. I'll bring a towel for you to sit on just in case." 

He ran into the bathroom and quickly grabbed one, and then lifted her. He had no idea what the hell was going on, and he was scared to know.

He sat her down in the car, on top of the towel. She was still sobbing uncontrollably as he rushed his way to the driver's seat. 

He started the car, and reached out to grab her hand. "It'll be okay. Shh. Calm down. Deep breaths." 

She looked at him. "This can't be okay. What if she's gone, what if we lost our baby? I don't want her to be gone. Please drive." 

He did so. He was scared of that as well. "What happened?" He asked her, genuine concern in both his eyes and his tone. 

"I was half awake, and I felt it, at first I thought maybe my water broke. Then I pulled the sheets back and saw the blood. I don't know what it could be." 

"You didn't feel any pain?" 

"No, at least not that I remember. I guess there was a little bit at first. Oh my god. Can this even happen this late? Can you lose a baby this late into the pregnancy?" She was a little over halfway through at this point, so this was pretty strange and concerning. 

"Ally, Ally... are you still bleeding?" 

"No, not anymore. But still, go fast. Please." 

"I'm going as quick as I can." He was trying to pay attention to the road, but it was difficult with what was happening in the passenger's seat. "Just hold on. We'll be right there." 

"Jack, I don't know if I can hold on. I don't want her to be gone." She was still crying, and Jackson knew that nothing could actually calm her down. He was freaking out too, but kept it in, so that he didn't rile her any more than she already was. 

He took a deep breath and drove like there was no tomorrow. 

XX 

As it turned out, the baby was alright. But, there wasn't only good news from the doctor. There was something that wasn't so good, something that was quite scary actually. 

It was a threatened miscarriage. The doctor didn't want to lay too much on Ally at once, but she had practically begged him to do so. So, he told her the facts, that while it was scary, it didn't necessarily mean that things were going to go wrong. 

It was odd for her to have one this late, but it wasn't completely irrational or unheard of. 

"So am I more at risk to have one? Is that just a warning? Why so late?" Ally was happy that the baby had turned out alright, but she was also nervous about what the doctor had said. This sort of thing doesn't just happen to anyone. She was rattling off questions to him, hoping he would be able to at least give her some reassurance. It was all she needed right now. 

"There can be varying factors. Stress is a big one. But it can just be things like your environment or your body. And like I mentioned before, it doesn't necessarily mean that you will actually have a miscarriage. Often, women who have threatened miscarriages have normal childbirth and healthy babies." The man told her, giving her an encouraging smile. 

She gave a weak smile in response. Hearing that made her feel a bit better, even if she was still a bit shaky and on edge. "At least we're okay, right?" She said, looking up at Jackson. 

"Yeah." The Doctor said simply, leaving the two of them alone. 

"I'm scared, Jack. I know he said that it usually ends well for most people, but obviously this isn't a normal thing. He even said it. And when I went to all of my check ups, I was never told that anything like this would happen." She told her husband, and immediately he was by her side, wrapping an arm around her. 

"It'll be okay. You can't stress. He said that's bad. You see why I don't want you on your feet as much? It's not good." He said, pulling her closer to him. 

"I know. I've just been so worked up with everything, I didn't think it was this bad." She stared at the wall, willing herself not to start crying right there. 

"You don't need to worry about me. I promise you. Things are going well. I'm happy." He attempted to reassure her, giving her a small smile. 

"It's not just that. It's everything. Rez, what's going to happen after, even just what's going to happen with me as a mom. It's scary." 

"I know. It's scary for me too. But we'll get through it together, like we get through everything." 

The sentiment made her grab his hand and squeeze. It was true. They had been through so much, and both of them learned an amazing deal from each other. They were much more than just husband and wife, they both knew that at this point. "I know." She whispered, so low that he almost couldn't hear her. 

"Let's go home." 

XX

Sometime that night, Ally had a dream. It wasn't anything bad or anything scary, but she still woke up with a start because it just felt so real. 

It was some sort of distant look into the future, where she was viewing everything from a third person sort of view. 

Things were good. She and Jackson were happy, the baby was healthy and there. It was odd, but she felt as though she was actually there. She didn't know why, didn't know how, but when she opened her eyes and realized it wasn't actually real she couldn't help but gasp. 

"You okay?" Jackson asked her. He was half awake, but it didn't matter, he was still worried about her. 

"I'm fine." She replied, going over the details in her head again. "I promise." 

"Bad dream?" 

She turned to him and smiled. "The opposite, actually." 

XX 

After what had happened, Ally couldn't help but be on edge for the next few days. She was worried. She went to each of her appointments scared, and even though everything was going okay, she couldn't but feel something could go wrong anytime. 

In fact, that was had happened. And she couldn't help but think it could happen anytime again. 

Jackson didn't like this, not at all. She tried not to make it obvious, but he knew her well enough to know when something was wrong with her. All it took was her adverting his eye, looking down, her voice slightly breaking; and he knew that she was upset. 

She didn't like him worrying for her, just like he didn't like her for worrying for him. She supposed it was simply because they just loved each other a lot, but it was also not good for her stress. 

She curled up under the covers, deciding that it was time for a nap. 

It seemed like it was always time for a nap these days. 

XX 

Her eyes were glassy and her lips were dry. She had tried to make it past him quickly, so that he wouldn't see her. 

But, he did. Of course he did. 

"You okay?" He asked, genuine concern in his voice. "Have you been eating? Drinking water?" 

"You know I've been eating. You've been making me food." She responded. "And as for water... yeah. I've been drinking." 

"That was a lie." 

"Okay. It was. But I'm okay, I promise." 

"You sure?" 

She thought for a moment. He was her husband, somebody she could tell everything to. Why was she lying? "Not really. I'm just scared, Jack. I just don't want something else to happen." 

"It won't. I promise. You just gotta take it easy." 

"I have been. I don't even leave the bed!" 

"Not like that. I mean mentally. You're workin' yourself up. Remember when you and Bobby found me in the car that night? That was the exact thing I did, I got myself worked up over things that didn't matter in the long run. Things that never happened, that never would happen. I know a lot is going on, and it seems bad at times, but I promise it's not. You can talk to me whenever, you know I love you and would do anything for you." 

"I love you too, Jack. Thank you." 

"There's no need to thank me. I'm glad you convinced me to start going to therapy as well. It's helped a lot." 

"I can tell. And hey, it wasn't just me. I'm proud of you. You're right. We can get through this all together." 

"One step at a time. I know there's a lot we need to worry about, but we'll deal with it when we get there. You know what I mean?" 

She nodded. "I do." 

"Good, now go back to bed, I'm going to bring you some food and some water." 

She couldn't help but roll her eyes and chuckle. "You're not a father YET, you know that right?" 

He shrugged. "This is good practice." 

XX

Time began to fly, to both of their surprise. 

They both worked on what they had to do for the baby's arrival, which could be any day now. It was both a terrifying and happy thought. 

The nursery was nearly done, Jackson spent most of his time in there. If he didn't have an appointment with his therapist he would awake, have breakfast, make some for his wife and make sure she was alright, and then head in there. When he had an appointment, he would simply check on Ally and then get to work. 

At this point, he was working on the final touches. Everything was completely his doing, with a few consultations with Ally. 

He was proud, but it also didn't even feel like any work. It was something that calmed him down, something that he went to when he needed to let out his frustrations or stress. It had helped a lot, and that wasn't really what he was expecting at all. 

He looked around at everything for a moment, taking it all in. 

It was a really nice room, he was almost envious. Chuckling at the thought, he walked over to the crib and checked once again for stability. You could never be too sure. 

He had to show Ally all of this. He didn't know why, but he was giddy and overly excited about it. Maybe it was because he was proud, maybe because he was so in awe of how cute it turned out. 

Cute. A word he didn't really use much, but it was what immediately came to mind when looking at this. Fatherhood was softening him even more than Ally did, and the baby wasn't even here yet. 

He walked out, shutting the door softly behind him. 

XX 

Ally looked around, smiling. "Wow." She uttered. Jackson smiled proudly as he followed her gaze.

She wasn't sure if it were the hormones, maybe it was just THAT adorable to her, but she started crying. 

"Let me guess. You hate it." He said, his smile falling. 

"No!" She said quickly. "I love it. So much." She sniffled, and then repeated, "So Much." 

Women were confusing in general, but pregnant women? They were a whole other level. "I'm glad." Was all Jackson said. 

All Ally did in response is continue to sniffle. She was feeling things that even words couldn't explain. 

XX 

It was too dark to be doing this. 

Jackson had crawled out of bed, without waking Ally(difficult because she wasn't that heavy of a sleeper), and made his way to the piano. 

Charlie had followed him, and Jackson was quite surprised that the dog hadn't woke Ally up. 

He had been hit with inspiration. And he knew that he couldn't just go back to sleep, because he would lose the ideas in his mind. 

He turned on a light and began writing, the words flowing out of him. He felt so driven, so much so that he didn't even feel or hear anything going on around him. 

Until he heard Ally scream out, that is. 

He immediately went running into the bedroom, his thoughts going to bad places. After what had happened last time, he couldn't be too safe or too sure. 

"Are you okay?" He asked. 

"So much pain." She replied, taking a deep breath. "Too much pain." 

"Blood?" 

"No. None. At least not yet." 

Since their minds were both in the same place, he rushed her to the car, and decided that he would get her to the hospital before anything bad happened this time. Neither of them were really thinking about it. 

About halfway through the drive, her water broke. It was just contractions after all. They hadn't really deemed it a possibility even though they should have, they had just assumed the worst. 

Ally felt relief, but her relief was quickly overcome by pain. "Drive faster." She urged her husband. "Drive faster!" 

He did so, releasing a breath that he didn't know he was holding. 

XX 

Michele Maine was born exactly 5 days before her due date. 

When Ally first saw her, she of course teared up, but then she uttered "You were right." 

Her husband cocked a brow, stifling his own tears. "What?" 

"Seeing her, she's definitely a Michele." 

He had no idea how the hell she had come to that conclusion, but he couldn't help but smile. "What did I tell you?" 

"It's not too late for me to change my mind, you know." 

"She's my kid too, you know." 

She chuckled. In that moment, everything was perfect. Absolutely perfect. 

XX 

When they arrived home from the hospital, the second thing Jackson did was walk over to the piano and pick up the piece of paper that he had left there. (The first was get everything situated.) 

"I forgot the end. Dammit." 

Ally, who had finally put the baby down, walked over to him. He could see the exhaustion in her eyes already, but she gave him a weak smile anyways. "What's wrong?" 

"Nothin'. Just... the song. It was almost done. I was on the end, but I lost it." 

She snatched the paper from him, her eyes scanning it. Immediately upon finishing she met his eye. "I think it's beautiful how it is." 

"You don't think it's missing something?" 

"No. Not right now. If you remember it, you remember it. If you don't, you don't. Do you know how it sounds?" 

"Yes. I'll show you tomorrow." 

"It's a date." Even if she was exhausted out of her mind(she hadn't slept all that much at the hospital, even if she was there for a couple of days), she was still beaming. Jackson never failed to amaze her, he was so brilliant and she wouldn't stop reminding him of that until he understood it. "I can't wait to hear it." 

XX

A MONTH LATER... 

Ally gently placed Michele back into her crib, smiling. She was finally going down for a nap. 

Parenthood was tiring for both Ally and Jackson, it was hard to adjust to, they were learning together as they went, but they still loved it nonetheless. They loved their daughter. 

They were still quite tired, though. 

It was also odd for Charlie, he had no idea why there was another human in the house now, but he adjusted rather quickly. He just treated the baby like she was always there, and that made Ally and Jackson relieved. 

Jackson stuck his head into the door rather abruptly, which caused her to jump. She threw a hand over her mouth, trying her best not to let out a gasp. 

"Didn't mean to scare ya. Come here. I have something to tell you." He told her, his tone hushed. He had just come home from yet another therapy session. His therapist remarked that he seemed so much better, so much more happy. They were having less frequent meetings now, and the meetings that they did have were more like check ins and updates. Soon enough, he wouldn't even have to go at all. That's what his therapist said at least, and he was going to live by that. Alcohol and pills were just mere footnotes in the back of his head now, something he never would resort to again. He didn't miss them a bit. 

What they had both learned more than anything, was that babies were the lightest sleepers of all. The smallest thing could bother them, and they were up again. 

She followed him into the kitchen. 

"You okay?" She asked. Her initial reaction was that something was wrong, she couldn't help thinking it, but she did. Wasn't that just a natural human reaction? 

"Yeah. I'm fine. I just made a decision." 

She cocked a brow. "What do you mean?" 

"You remember how you wanted me to manage you? I thought about it and I still don't think it's the best idea, but I can help you with managing yourself. I can help you make any decisions you want, but I feel like you having the power would be the best. You know what you want to create, you know what you want to do." 

"Rez emailed me the other day." 

This was news to him. "What? What did he have to say?" 

"He wanted to be my manager again. He didn't even apologize for anything. Just said that if I cared about my career, I'd do it. That was it. It was bullshit." 

"What did you say back?" 

"Nothing. Maybe he'll get the hint then. And I think that's a good idea. I didn't know if I could handle managing myself, but you're right, it would be best." 

"You know about the industry now, you know what's best for you." 

"I don't want to get back into anything yet. I want family time for now, that's what's important to me right now." 

"I think we both should just take a step back and have family time Once get more adjusted, we'll get back into it. That song I wrote, it's for Michele. And you. And me. Just us. I don't know if I want to put it out there." 

"Sounds like a plan to me. And hey, maybe we can play it exclusively at shows or something. It's so beautiful." 

He walked towards her, lifting her chin and kissing her. "Like you, then?"

She laughed. "Smooth."

"I know, right?" 

"Asshole." She scoffed, pulling away from him dramatically, causing them both to laugh. 

Things were finally as they should be. They were finally happy. Things were looking up. They weren't afraid of the future, neither of them were. 

They wouldn't change a thing about it, either. Not a single day if struggling, not a single day of tears and fights. It was all necessary to get here. 

And it was worth it, so worth it. 

THE END. 

A/N: that's it! That's the end! I rewrote this about 1,000 times, it's literally been a week in the making! 

I can't believe that this started out as just an extended ending/what I wanted to happen, and turned into this 100+ page affair(yes, I'm surprised too). I don't regret a minute of it! I loved writing this so much. 

I suppose I owe you all(and some others) some Thank yous. 

Thank you all so much for the support on this. As I'm typing this, this has over 2K reads. I wasn't expecting so much support on this, I love this fandom, you're all the sweetest people ever and I adore all of you (even if we've never spoken. In that case, HIT ME UP). 

Also a big thank you to the person that posted this prompt on twitter, I'm not sure where they got it from, but without that little dose of inspiration this never would've become the thing it is today. 

Thanks to my friends who I consulted about certain issues, and how much they trusted me and were willing to talk to me about these sensitive things. You know who you are. 

Thanks to Claire for editing that one chapter when I was drunk out of my mind, you saved my readers from reading a disaster. Y'all really dodged a bullet there. 

And finally, thanks to everyone behind the movie. Without you all, this certainly wouldn't exist. Thanks for making a beautiful movie that means a lot to me and will always have a special place in my heart. 

I'm not done writing about this movie either. I have a few AUs planned,(one of which is already posted, I haven't worked on it for awhile but I want to get back into it soon) and maybe some one shots down the road. If you guys ever want to send me prompts or requests, please do and I'll be sure to write them! 

Also check out the playlist on SoundCloud!! It's been finalized as I'm posting this chapter, it contains all of the songs I listened to while writing. 

Stay tuned next chapter for the reflection chapter, which I do on all of my stories. 

Thank you all for all of the love. I love you guys so much, I can't say it enough. Thanks for existing. And thanks for reading this story. It means a lot to me. 

~Ashleigh


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